Chapter 54 - Welcome to the Jungle

Flying was kind of like Falling, just with more control.  I had enough perks and skill anymore that while I couldn’t really fly, I could fall with style.  I landed several hundred logs outside of the wall in a crater where someone had lobbed a thingamabob.

A weapons grade thingamabob.  

I tried to figure out if it was Hansa or Rose that made this one.  Margwal preferred more controlled explosives, and Beakatrix’s were bigger.  Several zombies rushed towards me, but my puma zapper worked just as well on zombies as shadow creatures and they started smoldering well before they got into melee range.  

A powerful built one armed undead with a bright red glowing gem in the center of his breastplate saluted me with a three bladed sword and prepared to charge before a shadowy army stopped him.

“You actually plan to fight me head on?” asked Charles.

“That’s what the Mayor does,” I began examining the poor corrupted man.  I wasn’t happy I was going to have to kill Ordinal’s greatest champion, but he would understand if it meant ridding himself of the Dark Overlord.  I kept telling myself that at least.

“And your weapon,” he asked, as I sat the wooden club onto my shoulder.

“Go with what you know,” I said.  

“Hmm, short fight at least,” said Grebthar as he flung Mojinir right at my chest.  There was a sharp crack and the mountaintop behind me exploded.  House sized boulders littered the land, shaking the entire battlefield as the most powerful weapon on Ordinal easily deflected the strike.  

I was airborne,  diving out of the sun with a Falling Star Strike.  

My bat slammed into Grebthar’s sword with enough force that the ground beneath Charles cracked.  The sword wasn’t quite broken, but the blade was bent and I pulled back for another swing as the hammer slammed back into Charles’ palm.  Using both weapons he managed to block my second strike.  

“What the fuck is that?” screamed Charles.

“I call it the Almighty Bat of Dark Overlord Smiting,” I replied.

“Fun name, but this hammer was made with the forged body of a god,” growled Charles as I kicked off his chest breaking our weapon lock.  ”It is the most powerful weapon on Ordinal.  Your weapon cannot compare.”  

“It was used to defeat an elder demon once,” I replied, causing Grebthar to take a step back.

“You’re lying,” hissed Grebthar.  

“Pool’s open, water’s fine,” I said, and we both charged simultaneously.

The hammer struck the bat with an audible thunderclap and I pushed Grebthar back.  He came at me with the sword, which I realized was dripping some sort of poison so I dodged between the drops while swinging at Grebthar’s head with the bat.  

He blocked again, but the sword bent in half and the metal smacked into his spine.  That wasn’t enough to bother Grebthar as he had no bones.  

• Hack and Slash: Beat ‘em with a Baseball Bat Version

With the upgrades to the Almighty Bat, I could manage a whopping 29 attacks nearly simultaneously with the skill.  Given how the math worked out, I knew that was far more swings than Grebthar could manage.  I was going to peel through him and drive him into the dirt.

There was a problem though, each block with the hammer sent my bat bouncing away.  Mechanically I was able to compensate, but it made each attack harder to achieve meaning that I got fewer attacks in than I should and ultimately only managed to perform fourteen.

Grebthar managed fifteen, and the final strike with the hammer was a primal lightning infused smash to the chest that sent me flying away.  I bounced on some sort of liquid twice before blinking away from his follow up fireball.  

• You have suffered 812 points of damage.  Dragon Scales, Mitigate and your remaining defensive skills have reduced the damage by 406 points.  

I realized I landed in the lines of the Dark Overlord’s army, and even now they were racing towards me.  I activated Treatment and Regeneration, before leaping over the fray and right back towards Grebthar.  

“You took that like a champ,” growled Grebthar as he deflected my bat and prepared another spell.  I focused counterspell on it and caused the orb to go wobbly.  

“I’m going to kill you,” I growled.  

“Not that again, I prefer witty banter while I’m tearing down my foes,” said the Dark Overlord.  

“I’m going to rip off your head and shit down your throat,” I growled.

“That’s Duke Nukem, you tired hack,” screamed the Dark Overlord as he cast the fireball at me.  I blinked out of the way, appearing next to him, nearly face first into Mojinir.  

“Can you detect Blink?” I asked.

“Yes,” replied the Dark Overlord simply as a massive blast of primal lightning exploded from the hammer, focused directly at my chest.  I brought up the Almighty Bat to block, but didn’t have time to set myself against the lightning.

• Block failed:  You are disarmed.

Lightning burned into my flesh as the bat crashed into the ground, and instantly hundreds of my hit points vanished.  Grebthar grabbed the hammer with both hands and started focusing more power into it, causing the bolt of lightning to grow larger as it began to overwhelm my resistances even as I threw my entire Counterspell skill against the bolt.  

All I managed to do was diffuse it somewhat, unfortunately the range was short and lightning on Ordinal still wanted to ground to something.  Like the idiot wearing metal armor. 

“Die you annoying asshole,” laughed Charles.     

“This is bad,” said Shart.

“I was hoping to save this for the end game,” I grumbled.  

• Super Badger 3:  You have activated Super Badger 3, You gain increased magical resistance equal to the Legendary Badgelor, greatest of the War Badgers, who wouldn’t be stupid enough to do what you are about to try.  

Magic blasted away from me, causing Grebthar to double down again bypassing my newfound resistance.  All the playfulness in his expression vanished as his spell became less effective.  I activated Badger’s Stance, deflecting the spell off of my fist as I darted forward and grabbed the hammer pointing the blast into his army.  

Charles looked at my hand, even now glowing with primal lightning, and then looked back up at me as he bent the lightning, so I extended my claw and punched him in the face.  A lot.  I activated hack and slash and went full Fist of the North Star on his head.  

The first few punches just snapped his head around, by the time I got to the double digits his skull had deformed from the impact.  My final punch decapitated him, and then I started looking for the crystal.  It had to be there someplace.  All I needed to do was punch through his chest to reach it.  

My hand crashed through his chest, brushing against the crystal as I brought my hand back for a second grab.  

Suddenly the hammer shot away from Grebthar, with my hand mostly fused to the hot metal I was dragged along with it.  Grebthar aimed me towards the wall and I slammed into the structure with enough force that I heard something crack.  

Amazingly enough it wasn’t my bones, which were reinforced with a perk designed to keep them intact even from trauma like this.  Where the dragon had attacked, a massive section of the wall broke free and began falling.  It was actually large enough to cast a shadow that darkened the front of the wall where I was resting.  

I pushed off the wall and was back to Grebthar in three paces. 

“What are you going to do with only one hand,” chuckled the Dark Overlord, so I kicked him.  

• Abomination Kick:  Badger’s ‘fist’ + Powerful Blow

“How, I don’t even have a dick,” groaned the Dark Overlord.  

Grebthar staggered back, but did not fall so I went for the legs.  I brought my shin down on his knee, nearly removing the limb even as a series of magical darts slammed through my anti-magic field and burned into my flesh.  

My next strike glanced off of a magical barrier and the Dark Overlord laughed.

“Impressive, no one has ever been able to keep up with me,” said Charles, summoning the hammer back to his hand.  I exhaled loudly, drooping slightly as he watched me.  The charred flesh of my left hand looked like burnt steak and I was covered in superficial wounds.  

“But you know you can’t win?  I’m a god, my body heals as fast you can hurt it,” said Charles.

“I’m full of surprises,” I replied, checking my hand.   

 “You may be but even if you could get the crystal, Badgelor isn’t around now is he?”

“If Badgelor fights you, he’s going to kill himself, and you.  He’s my friend, I’d like to keep him around,” I said, checking on my health and stamina bars.  Almost.

“It isn’t his fault,” said Charles.  

“What?” I asked, trying not to sound suspicious.  Charles was a liar, and trusting anything he said was foolish.  

“I was planning this for a long time,” said Charles, carefully.  “I could still take you with me.”

“Where do you think you could take me?  You honestly think I’d forgive you for all this,” I spat.

“Home,” said Charles.  “I’m going back to Earth.”

“It will destroy Ordinal if you do that,” I said.

“Is that what he told you,” asked Charles.  “That if you go back to Earth then the whole planet will be destroyed in a mana singularity.”

I stopped, “Yeah.”

“He is wrong,” said Charles.  

“We aren’t, I checked the math myself,” said Shart.  

“You did?” I asked, because Shart was lying.  

“Well, I had Michael check the math and he’s positive that it would destroy the planet,” said Shart.

“Why would he lie about that,” I asked Charles.  

“Everyone lies about everything,” said the god.  “At best it might destroy the world and I’ve taken steps.”  He flicked the collar.  

I stared at Grebthar for a moment, trying to even remember what home was like.  “You’re lying.”

“Am I?” said Charles with a laugh.  “I have no idea; It has been so long I don’t remember.  I think this might even save the planet.  If not?  This whole world is just a game, and I’m tired of playing.”

“It isn’t a game,” I said.

“Isn’t it?  You are going to be fighting the Dark Overlord forever.  I thought it was fun at first, imagine that, but that was ten lifetimes ago.  The human mind isn’t built to handle this, it drives you insane,” said Charles.  “If you stay here you are turn out just like me.”

“I’m nothing like you,” I said.

“Now.  Let me guess, you have a family, wife, couple of kids, house somewhere and they will miss you.  Your life on Earth isn’t perfect but it was better than doing this over and over again,” said Charles.  “I can take both of us back there.  Don’t you want to see them again?”

“We died,” I said.

“You don’t think I planned for that as well,” asked Charles.  “I’ll have enough power to fix both of us and we can be normal again.  Wouldn’t you like to be normal?  With your family?  Where the world isn’t counting on you to save it?”

There was only so much a man could take.  

“Jim, you just dropped Super Badger 3, what are you doing,” said Shart.  

“It's just, is this going to be it?” I asked Shart.  “Is my life going to be just killing the Dark Overlord again and again.”

“That’s what the Mayor does,” said Shart uncomfortably.  

Charles stepped forward, coming closer to me and I really looked at him.  There was hope there, desperate hope that maybe this fighting could just end.  Everyone could die if we returned to Earth, but so many people were already dead.  With us gone, the dying would stop.  The Dark Overlord would be gone, and I could see my wife again.

Jarra.  

As he took another step, I looked at his eyes and saw something, a slight twitch that I’d only seen once before.  

It's a trick.

A magical band wrapped around my right arm, pinning it in place as Charles summoned the hammer back to him.  I flexed my left hand, shattered away the burnt flesh revealing the regenerated tissue underneath and summoned my weapon to hand.  

We both focused everything we had into one single, deadly swing.