In Your Shadow [Chapter 15]

[Chapter 14]

For the first time in recent memory, Katsuki skipped the gym. He had planned to sleep in, after his Night Patrol, but by eight o’clock he was wide awake and ready to go, his mind running a mile a minute with thoughts about his last day and his school project.

Deku had sent him his timetable for the day, but the page was incredibly empty. He had a meeting with Lemillion at twelve, to do his report of the week, and an appointment with Surusumi at two, which he hadn’t really thought about until that moment, but he was glad to have one more. At four he got to spar with Igneo, one of the few heroes he’d heard a lot about but hadn’t actually done a patrol with, and finally he had his debrief with Deku – the moment where, if his prayers to every God he’d ever heard of came through, he would get asked to stay longer. But he tried not to get his hopes up, didn’t want to be extra disappointed when it didn’t happen, so until then, he’d just have to focus on his project.

He’d managed to get a few recordings the day prior, to start him off – Trax, of course, but also the collection of heroes he’d sparred with during his drop-in session. It might have been his favourite part of the internship, honestly, just hanging out in a sparring room while people came by for a quick round and took off again for other commitments. He’d left his phone camera going the whole time, filming from behind the protective glass where the first aid kit lived, so it could catch both the action for him to study later, and the answers they gave to his questions between rounds – or even during, sometimes. But there were a few heroes he still desperately wanted a chance to talk with – namely all the Patrol Leaders who Deku put so much faith in, and who had taught him more than anyone else but Mirio, in his time at the agency.

With his costume on and a protein shake in his hand, he headed down to the lobby, glad to see Paragon was ready and waiting to start his patrol. Katsuki waved awkwardly, relieved when Paragon greeted him without a hint of hesitance, and hurried over to join him.

“I don’t have a strict timetable today,” he explained. “So I was wondering if I could join you on patrol?”

“Of course you can,” Paragon agreed easily. “Do you want to help me out with my reports after, again, too?”

“I’d love to, but I have to meet Lemillion at twelve,” he grimaced. “Thank you, though.”

“Next time, then.”

“Today’s my last day,” Katsuki said awkwardly. “I was hoping I could ask you a few questions, during the patrol, and record your answers for a school project. If we’re not busy fighting villains, obviously.”

“Yeah, I’m cool with that. Is that why Spark invited us all out to dinner tonight?”

“He wanted to do a farewell or something, said I needed to visit this steakhouse before I left.”

“I’ll be there, then. I’m on back-up until eight, but I’m sure you guys will be there a while. It usually goes on for hours, when we do that stuff.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it.”

“So, tell me about this project.”

He sat down, waving for Katsuki to join him, and as they waited for the sidekicks to arrive, Katsuki told him all about the assignment from Aizawa. Paragon seemed surprisingly interested, but Katsuki supposed it had been a good while since Paragon had graduated, so school assignments had to be pretty different by now, right?

“So you want to hear what we think it means to be a hero, to help inform your own thoughts on it?”

“I guess so.” Katsuki nodded slightly, starting his phone recording just in case. “I have my own opinions, of course, but I know I still have a lot to learn, so there’s probably a lot of stuff I’m missing, stuff I haven’t even thought about before. And you guys all work with Deku, of all people, so he must be seeing something in all of you that he likes, right? You probably all have some similarities in your thoughts about this stuff.”

“I guess for me it’s about keeping balance in the world, and serving justice. You can’t be a hero if you just think you’re better than everyone else, that you should choose who gets arrested and that kind of thing. It has to be about keeping things in check, and keeping people safe. You know there are a lot of reasons people become villains, right?”

“Of course.”

“Tell me some.”

Katsuki paused. He hadn’t expected the interview to turn on him, and he felt oddly put on the spot for it.

“People who hate heroes, for some reason. Events in their past and stuff. They want to get back at the world for things that happened to them.”

“Good.”

“People who are suffering. Maybe they don’t have the money to feed themselves, and they turn to villainry to survive.”

“Good.”

Katsuki hesitated again, grimacing. He always hated thinking about this kind of thing, even if it was probably important.

“People with quirks that are considered bad or evil. Society drives them there, they treat people like villains and it makes them into villains, regardless of what they would have been otherwise.”

“Yeah, that’s a hard one,” Paragon said knowingly. “You know how my quirk works, right?”

“On a base level, yeah.”

“And Ephia’s?”

“Not really, but I’ve seen the results. I assume it’s something similar.”

“Yeah. We were both very lucky that we didn’t go down that path, that we could move past the whispers about our quirks and manage to do something good with them. It could have easily gone the other way.”

“I’m glad it didn’t.” Katsuki shuddered at the thought. “You’d be a fucking terrifying villain.”

“Thank you,” Paragon laughed. “I think.”

“So what made you pick being a hero?” Katsuki asked. “Some inherent goodness?”

“My parents supported me, even when no one else did,” he said with a smile. “I had them to balance things for me, a lot of people don’t have that. I think every kid has an inherent goodness, it’s just the way society shapes them that sometimes takes that away.”

“I guess so.”

“I think that’s why it’s so important to have allies, you know? Working in an agency like this, with so many supportive people, I can’t imagine how I could ever change sides. The heroes that work alone, I worry about them. All it would take is a string of bad experiences, of self-doubt, of having no one to talk to. Or just one particularly compelling villain to talk to. It could drive you mad so quickly, make you turn. We’re lucky here that if we started to consider it, someone else would change our minds without even realising they were doing it.”

“At my first sports festival,” Katsuki began slowly. “I was… treated pretty poorly.”

Paragon didn’t ask, didn’t prompt him, just waited silently.

“A lot of people said I acted like a villain, because I got angry.”

“What were you angry about?”

“The person I fought went easy on me.”

“And lost? That seems stupid.”

“He had some issues going on,” Katsuki admitted, grimacing. “I guess I didn’t understand it, I just thought he didn’t think enough of me to try. He was looking down on me.”

“And now?”

“I guess I’ve figured some shit out. We aren’t really friends, though I guess we’re better than we were. And he never really told me what it was all about, but I’ve seen stuff and heard stuff, and I think I kinda get it.”

“Maybe he needs to visit Yutaka.”

Katsuki blinked at him, and Paragon grinned, shaking his head.

“No one has been gossiping, don’t worry. I talk to him too.”

“How did you know?”

“There’s no way Deku wouldn’t have made you see someone, after the things you’ve been through, and I can’t imagine you talking to Dangou or Wako. Call it an educated guess.”

“Yutaka is cool,” Katsuki admitted. “He doesn’t make me feel like I’m there for an appointment.”

“Yeah,” Paragon agreed. “More like hanging out with a friend who happens to be good at helping.”

Katsuki cracked a smile, nodding, and Paragon chuckled a little to himself.

“There are a lot of other people who could just as easily be called heroes as us, but they aren’t. Yutaka, for one. Or Lemillion. Neither of them are out fighting villains anymore, but I would still call them heroes, personally. When people call them ‘retired heroes’ or whatever, I hate that. Or the police who take villains in, after we beat them up. There’s such a division of hero and police, but aren’t they doing just as much good for the world? It’s like the word Hero has lost all its meaning, since it became a job title. It should be about your actions, not about beating up villains.”

Sidekicks began to trail in, and Paragon smiled when Katsuki stopped his recording, giving him a little nudge in the arm as he stood up.

“I know you want to do more patrols while you have the chance,” he said fondly. “But I think you have better things to do, today, than just follow me around on a quiet patrol. Go do some sparring and talk to more people, you’ll get plenty of patrols in your life.”

“But-”

“You can come if you want, I’m not telling you no,” Paragon assured him. “Just think about your priorities.”

Katsuki hesitated, glancing at the phone in his hand, and finally conceded a nod.

“Come spar with me later, if you can. I’m with Igneo at four, but I’ll probably be there before that.”

“I’ll try my best,” Paragon chuckled. “If not, you can find us a room at U.A. another day, right?”

“Absolutely. Any time you want.”

“Good. This won’t be the end, Katsuki, I promise.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that.”

Paragon just grinned, and Katsuki managed a smile of his own, nodding as he stood up.

“Alright, I’ll go do schoolwork, I guess.”

“Don’t think of it as schoolwork. Think of it as learning a little more about what you’re getting yourself into, and maybe teaching some others along the way. Keep people on the right path, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll see you at dinner, you can tell me all about it then.”

With a last wave, he headed off to join his group, and Katsuki sighed as he shoved his phone back in his pocket. As much as he wanted a few last patrols, Paragon was right – after all, he’d never get a work studies spot if he didn’t even do his schoolwork.

─────

“So,” Deku began, with a soft little smile that Katsuki almost thought seemed fond of him. “It’s been two weeks, and you’re still alive, so that’s a good sign.”

“Did you expect me to not be?”

“Alive? Sure. Here? Not really, no.”

Katsuki couldn’t help but chuckle, with the way Deku said it. He knew it wasn’t really a dig at him, and his behaviour really had been rude and self-centred at the start. He may not understand Deku’s methods for everything, but he could at least acknowledge that they existed.

“I appreciate you having me, and continuing to invite me in even though I was a dick at first.”

Deku laughed, and Katsuki smiled again – it was nice to know their relationship had progressed that much in two weeks. Deku was no longer worried about being stern and in-control at every moment of the day, he was willing to smile and laugh with Katsuki now, and that made Katsuki surprisingly happy.

As they went through his work over the past two weeks, all his patrols and sparring matches and everything in between, they shared a few more laughs, a lot more smiles, and Katsuki almost felt like they’d become friends in his time at the agency, even though he knew Deku didn’t see it that way.

“Your reports have been impressive,” Deku mused, flipping through the latest one, finished off with Mirio earlier in the day. “I know you’ve only done the two weekly ones for me, but I’ve seen the work you’ve put into patrol reports too. That was very proactive of you, getting involved and learning that side of things.”

“I want to know every facet of the job, before I graduate. All the little things that people don’t think about, especially the ones that might put me off or make me rethink my career choice.”

“You’d quit being a hero because of some paperwork?”

“There are a lot of ways to be a hero that don’t involve filling out reports.”

Deku raised an eyebrow, but Katsuki didn’t elaborate, just shrugged slightly and waited for Deku to move on.

“I’m looking forward to seeing your progress, over the next few years.” Deku was clearly beginning to wrap up, and it made Katsuki’s stomach ache, realising the offer wasn’t coming. “I think you could be an amazing hero, given the right training, and Aizawa especially is a very good teacher for you to have. Keep following his guidance and you’ll stay on the right path.”

“That means a lot. I mean, the first bit, not the Aizawa bit.”

Deku chuckled again, and Katsuki smiled to himself, shaking his head.

“I grew up in your shadow,” he said, throwing caution to the wind. “I’ve hated you for most of my life because of it, even though I know it’s not your fault, it’s not like you were deliberately trying to upstage me.”

“Why me? I didn’t hit number one until you were practically in high school.”

“Because you were first. I could have been all those things, but because of you, I came second at everything. And that should still be impressive, but it’s just not, and I hate that. No matter how much I respect you, how much I’ve learned from you these two weeks, how much I know you didn’t do any of it on purpose, I’m always gonna hate that damn shadow I grew up in.”

Deku didn’t say anything for a moment, his face thoughtful, until finally he turned his head to look at the report on his desk again.

“Are you Mitsuki’s son?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise. I just thought it was a funny coincidence.”

Katsuki shrugged, and Deku paused for another minute.

“It must have been hard,” he said finally. “I can’t imagine what that was like, being beaten to every goal by just a few years.”

“Yeah. They threw parties when you got into U.A., but I didn’t even get congratulated.”

“Really? That’s awful, I’m sorry. If I’d known there was a kid like you following me…”

“What, you’d have taken pity on me? Clapped for my stupid kiddy efforts to follow in your footsteps?”

“You weren’t,” Deku frowned. “You may have been going the same place, but you took your own path. You’re not some inferior version of me, you’re your own person, with your own journey.”

“Tell that to all the people at home whispering about me, telling each other how ‘Deku was so much nicer’ or ‘Deku never complained about things’ or ‘Deku got better grades’ and-” Katsuki’s voice caught, and he balled his hands into fists, taking long, slow breaths to cool himself down. “Like I said, it’s not your fault, I know that. And I’m sorry for taking it out on you. I didn’t mean for all of that to slip out.”

“I get it,” Deku assured him. “Sometimes it’s good to get it out in the open. If you want to tell me anything else, I’m here. Go ahead.”

“No, I’m okay.”

“Did you know that I didn’t realise you were the kid from the sludge incident, before?”

“What?”

“In all the times people have told me about you, no one ever told me we grew up in the same place. I didn’t realise you were the kid who had been attacked until that reporter asked about it, the other night, and even then I didn’t click that you’d been in my home town. It all blurs together, after a while, I guess.”

“Oh.”

“If I’d known… I wouldn’t have given you pity applause, no, but I probably would have felt guilty. I would have wanted to encourage you to keep training as a hero despite that incident, to not let it scare you away. I probably would have offered you an internship in your first year at U.A., regardless of whether I felt prepared for it or not. I probably wouldn’t have done a very good job of it, but I’d have tried, I think.”

“Are you trying to apologise or something?”

“No, not at all. I’m glad I didn’t know, because I think this way was better. Meeting you now, like this, instead of having all that guilt and those preconceptions, that sense of obligation to help out a kid my mother probably babysat once upon a time. I’m glad you had a chance to grow as your own hero. I know you felt like you were in my shadow, but I’m glad I wasn’t keeping you stuck in it.”

Katsuki just sat silently, for a moment, lost for words, and Deku smiled as he glanced at his watch.

“I’d better let you go, Spark will whine for weeks if I don’t let you go to dinner with him.”

“Can I ask a question?”

“Go ahead.”

“You would have felt that obligation for the Sludge Villain, but you didn’t for the League of Villains? You didn’t feel like after I was kidnapped, you needed to encourage me to keep being a hero or whatever?”

Deku smirked, looking Katsuki dead in the eyes for once, and Katsuki felt his heart beat a little quicker in his chest.

“I knew you didn’t need it.”

Katsuki snorted, unable to completely hold back the laugh that wanted to come out, but Deku didn’t seem to mind, thankfully, so he didn’t bother to apologise.

“I’ll make you proud,” Katsuki said instead. “And I’ll see you again when I beat you in the rankings, if not before.”

“I’m sure I’ll see you in the next thirty years, Kacchan, we don’t have to wait that long.”

“Wow.”

“I said what I said,” Deku teased. “It’s been a pleasure to have you, Katsuki. Keep up the good work, and go prove me wrong.”

“Damn right I will.”

─────

“Heyyyyy! There he is!”

Katsuki froze in the doorway, watching as a crowd of heroes and sidekicks picked up little plastic party poppers, firing tiny strands of confetti into the air when they saw Katsuki and Spark arrive. He had expected maybe a handful of people to show up, and had thought he and Spark would be the first, but already there were four tables all pushed together to make room for them all to cram in together, with staff chuckling at their antics from behind the counter – clearly they were regulars here.

“You made it through!” Trax grinned at him. “Hallelujah!”

“The man who told me he expected to be kicked out,” Mirio added with a laugh. “You’ve come a long way!”

“It’s your night off,” Katsuki said, ignoring the light-hearted jabs. “Both of you.”

“You think I’d miss this?” Mirio pulled out the chair beside him pointedly. “I don’t want report writing to be our last time spent together in your internship!”

“What if I never see you again?” Trax pouted, taking another sip from what Katsuki suspected was an alcoholic glass. “Even if you come back at some point, you might not be on nights!”

Mirio shot her a look that Katsuki couldn’t quite read, and he tried to ignore the thought that gnawed away at him – that he was warning her not to give him false hope.

“I’ll see you again,” Katsuki promised. “I’ll invite you to my party when I take number one.”

“What, in thirty years? That’s too long!”

“Why does everyone say that?” Katsuki huffed, a little amused all the same. “I give it three years, maximum.”

“Bet,” Trax grinned. “Show us how it’s done, oh Mighty Dynamight.”

“I will.”

Spark Plug shoved a menu in Katsuki’s hands as he sat down on Katsuki’s other side, pointing out a few of the crowd favourites, but when everyone else began to weigh in, Katsuki just shook his head, handing the menu back.

“You guys pick,” he insisted. “You know this place far too well, just choose something I’ll like.”

“The extra spicy ones,” Bleak said from across the table. “Watch him put his money where his mouth is.”

“If I eat them, you pay for my dinner.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Spark Plug snorted. “You’re not paying for any of this.”

“I can pay my share just like-”

“The agency is covering it,” Mirio cut him off with a smile. “Don’t worry about it.”

“What? Why?”

“To celebrate, obviously. What do you reckon, Nao? One of everything?”

“Keen!” Spark Plug laughed, handing the menu back to the waitress who hovered quietly, waiting. “The big platters, like usual. Thanks.”

“Anything to drink, Sir?”

“It looks like the others have already started,” Spark Plug chuckled. “Chuhai, thanks.”

“And for you, Sir?” she asked, looking at Katsuki.

“Oh. Um.”

“Bring him one of your signature mocktails, he can’t leave without trying one!” Trax suggested.

“Sure, that sounds good,” Katsuki agreed. “Thanks.”

“Coming right up, Sir.”

“So, tell us,” Bleak prompted, leaning in. “What are your plans for the future, now? Gonna apply here once you graduate?”

“Maybe,” Katsuki said awkwardly. “I don’t know that he’d want me back.”

“Oh please, he could do far worse than you,” Ephia snorted, clapping him on the back as she passed him to sit down. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Earlier than we expected!” Spark Plug laughed. “You really have taken a shine to our Dynamight!”

“I owe him one,” Ephia smiled wryly. “Figured the least I could do was come congratulate him on finishing his internship.”

“And what’s the most you could do?” Trax grinned.

“Put in a good word for him?” Ephia suggested, laughing. “Maybe I’ll start my own agency and hire him there instead.”

“Oh God, we would die, please don’t say things that’ll give me nightmares.”

Half the table groaned, and Trax grinned triumphantly, winking at Katsuki as she raised her glass.

“We’ve got your back, bud. If you wanna apply, you go ahead and apply.”

“Thank you,” Katsuki laughed, surprisingly brightly. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

A brightly-coloured drink appeared in front of Katsuki, and before he could take a sip, Trax held her drink a little higher in the air, Bleak and Mirio quickly following her lead.

“To Dynamight!” she said loudly, watching the rest of the table quickly raise their glasses to match. “For keeping our lives interesting!”

“To Dynamight!” the group chorused, despite the way Katsuki’s face burned red. It was surprisingly nice of them all, even though he suspected it was really just an excuse to get the agency to buy them dinner and drinks, and he covered his smile quickly with a sip from his glass.

“So if not us, who?” Plasmatic asked, from the other end of the table. “You had a lot of internship offers, right? There must be a lot of appealing offers.”

“Miruko told me to come to her,” he offered with a little shrug. “I’m pretty sure she was joking, but hey, maybe I’ll ask.”

“Oh, she’d love you,” Plasmatic chuckled. “She’s like the opposite of Deku with the formality and shit, I don’t know how they get along so well. She’d just stand back and watch you blow things up, cackling all the while.”

“Sounds appealing,” Katsuki said with a grin. “Far less effort than following Deku’s rules.”

“You did a good job of it, in the end.” Mirio shook his head fondly, chuckling. “He was impressed.”

Soon the staff were returning, setting down platters of food along the table, full of different cuts of meat cooked in different seasonings and marinades, along with a bunch of different side dishes to go with them. Bleak and Katsuki both went immediately for the spicy ribs, Katsuki’s lips tingling pleasantly when he took his first bite, and Bleak grinned when he saw Katsuki’s expression.

“Good?”

“Amazing,” Katsuki agreed. “Good choice.”

As the night progressed, the staff bought out more and more food, until Katsuki was so stuffed he thought he might never eat again. The older heroes continued downing alcohol, too, while Katsuki laughed at their antics as they grew more relaxed. Just about every agency hero he’d met made an appearance at some point in the night, including Paragon honouring his promise, with a slightly awkward-looking Optima at his side. Katsuki was in too good of a mood to complain, not to mention he’d kind of moved on from that grudge, so he just nodded at them in greeting, getting an attempt at a smile in return before they followed Paragon to a couple of empty seats. People said their farewells and headed off for the night, others continued to show up as their other commitments allowed, and considering Katsuki normally despised social events, he was surprisingly happy.

Before he knew it, it was time for Katsuki to go get on a train, to head back to his dorm and go back to the real world again. He got handshakes and fist bumps and even hugs from the heroes – well, from Trax – and picked up his bag from where the staff had stored it for him safely, swallowing hard to hold back how emotional he was feeling all of a sudden, as they all chorused their final goodbyes to him at the door. He refused to let them walk him to the station, when they offered – a mob of drunk heroes in the street wasn’t exactly the best look, after all – he just thanked them all for everything they’d done, and stepped out into the street, waving back at them through the front windows.

As he turned toward the station, he found a lone figure leaning against the front of the building, and raised one hand slightly in an awkward wave.

“Hey,” Optima said, straightening up to meet his eyes. “Got a second?”

“Sure,” Katsuki agreed. “Just gotta be at the station in ten.”

“Won’t take that long,” Optima promised. “I uh, I just wanted to apologise, while I still have the chance.”

“What? Why?”

“I was a massive dickbag in that first ballet class, I was being insecure and shit and I took it out on you – on the one person newer than me. I’m sorry for that.”

“Oh. Well, thanks?” Katsuki said awkwardly, shifting his bag on his shoulder just to give his hands something to do. “We’re good. I hope we get to work together again, some time.”

“Are you not coming back for a work studies position?”

There it was, the question Katsuki had managed to avoid. Fuck.

“Doesn’t seem like it,” he shrugged, hoping that would be the end of it.

“Oh.” Optima grimaced, looking back at the window where they could still see a few of the heroes sitting inside. “I thought… Okay. Uh, goodbye then, I guess. You’ll have to come to my party when I take the number one spot from Deku.”

Katsuki managed a smile, at that, and Optima grinned back, gesturing toward the empty street that led to the train station.

“You’d better go. Good luck this week. It’s always the worst one, but it wears off eventually, when you settle back in.”

“Thanks. It was good meeting you.”

“You too, Dynamight.”

“Katsuki,” he corrected them, surprising even himself.

“Isao,” they offered right back. “Next time.”

“Next time,” he agreed. “Thanks.”

With a last nod, they headed back inside, and Katsuki took a deep breath, starting his walk to the station. It was strange that Optima had been so convinced about the work studies thing, when no one else had even brought it up – maybe that meant Paragon had liked him, beyond just being nice to him on the job. The two of them spent a lot of time together, after all, with him being Optima’s mentor at the agency, so maybe Paragon had been saying good things. And while most of the heroes had probably just come for the free drinks, at least some of them had seemed genuinely happy to talk to Katsuki, and dare he say it, sad to see him go. Maybe it really was just time and workload that stopped Deku from asking him, and not that they all secretly hated him.

He could only hope, he supposed.

[Chapter 16]