By the Horns

author's note: hello, all! Just a heads up, this is a short story I wrote for Pride Month coming up! I had so much fun with it I'll probably do more with the characters and setting in the future! It's also available for sale on Itch!

By the Horns by Helena Stacy

Hope you like it!

***

The author sat in a coffee shop, all by her lonesome at a plain metal table tucked into a corner. Light flowed in through the window-wall to her left, but her alcove of concrete prevented the radiance from touching her skin. She plunked away on her laptop, blushing furiously as the lewd descriptions flowed freely through her mind and soul. Her keyboard was her instrument, her fingers the conductor’s batons, the symphony one of love and smut. Especially smut. Lots and lots of smut. She’d always felt self-conscious about writing this kind of thing out in public, but the exterminator was at her apartment that afternoon, and if she wanted to enter the erotic short story contest, she needed to get this done before Friday. So she tried to push her insecurity out of her mind. However, this only gave a clear point of entry to the devil on her shoulder. 

Or at the very least, A Devil.

***

His name was Eligos, and he walked with an angry yet confident strut, swinging his arms back and forth and smiling smugly in his old fashioned clothes: a black doublet with a white ruff and white cuffs, black breeches and stockings with black shoes, and a simple gray felt hat. His face was plain and pale and unremarkable, his eyes a dull beige, his height so utterly average as to hardly be worthy of comment. Truly the only noteworthy aspect of his personage was his neatly-trimmed black beard. Well, that and the fact that he was a demon. 

And dammit, he was determined to get to this one before Zadkiel did! The obnoxious, perverted, angelic son of a bitch was always stealing his marks and corrupting them with his deranged filth, his lunatic ravings about sex positivity and free love and how Jesus accepts everyone regardless of what they like to do in the sack! The shame! The unrepentant, unrelenting shame! Unbelievable!

“Hey,”  a voice from behind Eligos said, full and low and smooth and rich. 

Eligos didn’t look back. He didn’t need to. This was ridiculous. He just had to keep walking, footsteps pounding on the hardwood floors of the Los Angeles coffeehouse as his teeth grinded together. He needed to keep his temper in check, or his fangs would start to slip out, or his hat would come off and reveal his horns to everyone. Humans hadn’t come so far in the past few thousand years as to bat an eyelash and move on at the sight of man with horns sticking out of his forehead, even if most wouldn’t immediately name him a demon any longer.

“Ignoring me again, Ellie?” Zadkiel’s stupid, dulcet baritone trailed after him. 

“Yes,” Eligos said. His eyeline flickered behind him, and he caught an expected glance at his arch nemesis. 

The angel Zadkiel stood a few inches over six feet tall, with bronze skin and hair the color of fresh-fallen snow. His eyes were dark and his features chiseled, with a lantern-jaw and strong cheekbones. A bit of white stubble decorated his cheeks and lips, which, along with his hair, gave his youthful face an oddly ageless look about it. Not odd in a bad way, but that…

That…

That wasn’t important! 

What was important was getting this young woman to renounce her lustful ways and give into Satan! That was his job! That was his duty! That was his Lucifer-given purpose in his immortal life, even if this stupid, fit, annoying, beautiful, literal angel kept getting in his way!

“So, do you want to have the first crack at her this time?” Zadkiel said with a smile he probably wouldn’t say was smug but absolutely was! “You know, since last time you said-”

“I remember what I said last time perfectly well, thank you,” Eligos said. 

“Something to the effect of ‘it’s only because you keep getting your hooks into them with your perfect smile and upbeat charm-’”

“Those were not the words I used!”

“I can have the Metatron play them back for you, if your memory is fuzzy,” he grinned. Fucking hellfire, he probably was being sincere with that offer, too!

“Just… Just stay out of my way-”

“No can-do, Ellie. You got your job and I got mine,” Zadkiel said. 

“Stop calling me that, Zadkiel,” Eligos hissed. 

“I thought I told you to call me Zane when we’re down here on earth,” he replied, tilting his head to the side in confusion. “It helps us blend in.”

“Whatever,” Eligos huffed. 

“So do you want first-go or not?”

“Hmph!” was Eligos’ reply as he stormed off towards the young author. 

He forced a level of monotone composure onto himself, saying a prayer of repentance to the unholy father promising to honor his duty: to make sure humans stopped enjoying sex. He’d never been sure why this was so important to Lord Lucifer’s plans to wipe out Yahweh’s creation, but it wasn’t his place to ask questions! It was his place to do as Lord Lucifer commanded. Whether that was cock-blocking people at the bar, ensuring they get caught masturbating at home, or causing those that made and distributed the disgusting filth known as… As ‘open-door romance’ to know the proper shame and disgust they ought to feel at spreading their perversions. 

And so, as his dark mind and darker soul frozen into the illusion of clarity and purpose, he approached his target. 

“Hello, young lady,” Eligos said in the softest voice he could manage. Wasn’t easy when that walking pile of ridiculousness was hovering behind him, but he managed. 

“Uh, hi,” the author said. “Can I help you with something?”

“On the contrary, it is I who wishes to help you,” Elligos said, sitting down on the stone bench carved out of the wall, but taking care to leave a solid six-inches of space between himself and the author. Gotta leave room for Beelzebub! “You seem troubled. Is everything alright?”

“Um, well… I just… It’s hard for me to talk about,” the author said. 

“Why? Is it something shameful?”

“It… Some would say that, yes.”

“Perhaps you should listen to them, then,” Eligos said. Good, good, it was working for once. “If it’s something you wouldn’t want your own employer to see-”

“Oh, definitely not.”

“Then perhaps you should not write it.”

Her shoulders went slack, and she exhaled a heavy breath through her mouth. “Maybe.”

“Definitely,” he pressed. 

“I… Sorry, what did you say your name was again?”

“I did not.”

“And why are you dressed like a Puritan, exactly?”

“I… What’s wrong with dressing modestly?”

“Nothing,” the author said, brow wrinkling. “Just seems a little extreme. Also, it’s like ninety degrees out right now- aren’t you hot?”

“I mean, I certainly think so,” Zadkiel said, approaching with his hands still in the pocket of his tight jeans. His bulge was evident through the denim, alongside the clear view of his muscular arms via his sleeveless t-shirt.

“I’m sorry, what?” Elligos said, a pulse of… Of something foreign, something dangerous, something potentially deadly shooting through him. If he had a heartbeat, it would no doubt have been elevated. Why would he say it like that? Surely just to throw him off his game. Yes, that must’ve been it.

“And you are?” the author asked. 

“I’m Zane,” the angel smiled with that stupid, perfect smile of his. “Sorry if my friend here is bothering you. They’ve a lot of stuff they still need to work out.”

“Why are you calling me ‘they?’” Elligos asked. 

“Because you don’t like it when I call you ‘Ellie’ in public.”

The author blinked, eyes darting back and forth between angel and devil. “Ooohhh, I see what this is.”

“What what is?” Eligos said, panic lancing his chest. There was no way this human recognized them as the diabolical and celestial entities that they were- impossible. So what was-

“Yeah, exactly,” Zane said. 

“So are you two dating?” she asked. 

“What?!” Eligos spat. “That’s absurd-”

“Not yet,” Zane shrugged. “I think this one needs a little more time to hatch before we’re ready to take it to the next level.”

Eligos’ head was spinning, his horns throbbing with the most bizarre sensation beneath his hat. Hatch? What the hell- he wasn’t a chick!

“I’ll give you two some space, go write at the library,” the author said, closing her laptop and standing up. “But hey, I come here a lot. Maybe we can hangout? Double date with me and my boyfriend?”

“Wait, WAIT,” Eligos cried. “Don’t you know that writing illicit material is ruining your relationship by creating unrealistic expectations for your man!”

“Pfft, not really,” the author chuckled. “My boyfriend reads all my stories. Says it gives him ideas for how to spice up our lovemaking.”

“Forsooth?!”

“Later, girly-pop.”

“Girly-pop?!”

And with that, she departed, and in her place, Zane- no, no, Zadkiel. Zane sounded too… Too cute for someone as annoying as this one.

“I think that went well,” Zadkiel said.

“What did she mean?” Eligos said, hands squeezing his knees. “And what did you mean?!”

“You really have no idea?” Zadkiel said, an inscrutable, devastating smile curling on his mouth.

“If I did, why would I be asking you?”

“Point,” Zadkiel shrugged. “We could talk about it over coffee, if you want. I mean… we’re already here.”

“Are you asking me on a date?!” Eligos sneered.

“No, I wouldn’t do it like this.”

“What do you mean ‘like this?’ You’d ask me out under different circumstances? Isn’t that homosexual behavior?”

“Yes, I would,” Zadkiel said, still smiling. “And no, it wouldn’t be.”

A gnawing sensation of shame and curiosity, equal parts tickle and sting, ate at the demon’s stomach lining. “That doesn’t make sense. You’re so confusing.”

“Only because you’re confused, beautiful.”

Cheeks heating, something unexpected happened in Eligos’ chest. A movement, a throb, a hammering echo of vitality and desire. His heart went ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump. 

That was certainly different.

Zadkiel stood up. 

“Where are you going?” Eligos asked, crestfallen.

“Home. I think I’ve given you a lot to think about. But I’ll meet you here tomorrow at this time.”

“No, you don’t just get to say all that and walk away!”

“Till next time, pretty lady.”

A flash of light shone over the shop’s interior, a flapping of wings made of pure golden radiance. And just like that, Eligos’ angel was gone.

Leaving her- him, him, it was him, it was him dammit, this was how Lord Lucifer made HIM and that was all there was to it- all alone.

***

Eligos’ apartment complex was the envy of most of demonkind… On the books. It was beachfront property, with a clear view of the Lake of Fire and a constant influx of the screams of the damned as they burned alive in the Lake or struggled to break free of iron impalements or while they were being flayed alive in the tannery (Moloch had to get those fine leather goods somehow) trickling in on the sulfurous breeze. It was perfect… On the books. Ten stories tall and made from stones from the Tower of Babel, he was on the bottom floor, shoved into an awkward, cramped studio with no windows and a shower he had to share with three other demons. Eligos tended to minimize his time here. 

“I’m home,” he said to nobody in particular. Not even dust-bunnies to welcome him back. And he didn’t have any assignments lined up for another two days, leaving him alone in his empty apartment. Just him and his thoughts. 

Him, his thoughts, and the words Zane (Zadkiel, his name is Zadkiel dammit!) had said that had made his heart start beating for the first time in his immortal life. 

Beautiful. Pretty lady. Confused. Hatch. Not like this. Why would he say that? Did he sincerely think that… Was there something he knew that Eligos didn’t? It was certainly possible. Yahweh claimed to know everything, to see past the lies and witness only the unvarnished truth.

Eligos sat down on his couch with a stale, warm beer in hand and slouched. His skin itched maddeningly beneath his clothes, but when he scratched it, it stung more than it satisfied. Why was it so sensitive all of the sudden? So soft? Why was his head spinning? Why wouldn’t his heart quiet?

Why was the room getting bigger!?

Why was his hair getting longer?!

“No, no, NO!” Eligos screeched. His heartbeat silenced, his hair retracted, his skin roughened, and his apartment was back to its erstwhile claustrophobia-inducing state. There, everything was normal again. Everything was fine. 

He took a swig of his terrible beer and relaxed. Everything was fine and dandy. He leaned his head back, and his thoughts drifted back to Zadk… Zadki… To Zane, and his smile, and his jawline, and his shoulders, and his biceps, and his sweet words-

Aaaaaannnnnnddddd his heart started beating again. And his skin softened again. And his hair lengthened again. And the most bizarre sensitivity manifested on his chest, and-

“Noooo!” Eligos screeched once more, and forced the feelings down, forced the thoughts of Zadkiel down, forced himself back to normal. 

Everything was terrible. 

The angel must’ve done something to him. Some sort of wicked White Magick, a spell of 

corruption and transformation. After all, there was no way under Satan that Eligos was actually… That he genuinely… That underneath it all, he was… 

Zane had done something to him. And tomorrow, he would meet him at the coffee shop and discern what. 

***

“There you are,” Zane said, waving him over to a booth with leather seats, pressed against the window. Argentinian folk music played on the speakers (Eligos had no idea why that was the vibe at a coffeehouse in Columbus, Ohio, but whatever) and the rich aroma of freshly-brewed coffee filled the air. Ahhh, coffee. The one gift from God that even devils appreciated. “I was starting to wonder if you were gonna show up.”

“Don’t get cute with me, Zane,” Eligos sneered. 

“You called me Zane,” he replied, putting a hand over his heart and smiling. “So can I call you Ellie now?”

Eligos’ heart thumped against the inner wall of his chest, and he felt his beard starting to retract into his skin. “No!”

“What’s uh, going on there with your face, best friend?” Zane said, clearly trying not to laugh. Bastard. 

“Don’t act like you don’t know!” Eligos said. “This is your fault. You did this to me!”

“No I didn’t,” Zane shook his head. He put his hand on Eligos’ and squeezed gently. “But if you’re scared, we can figure it out together.”

A warm sensation ran up Eligos’ spine, and his heart would not stop beating, and his horns would not stop throbbing, and his skin kept getting softer inside his increasingly baggy clothes. He grinded his fangs together and retracted his hand, taking slow, deep breaths to slow his heartbeat back down to a stationary position. 

It didn’t work.

“Why am I changing?” Eligos whispered. 

“Why do you think?” Zane said. 

“Because you cast some sort of spell on me! Some kind of transformation magick!”

Zane… Threw his head back and laughed for about twenty seconds. After he finished, he rubbed his eyes and said, “Oh, Ellie, that’s good. Now what do you actually think-”

“I’m serious!”

Zane’s eyebrows shot, and that infuriating, adorable smirk refused to leave his luscious lips. “Ellie, how long have we known each other?”

“Ten thousand, five hundred and forty-seven years, eight months, two weeks, and one day!” Ellie… Eligos rolled his eyes. 

“You keep track,” Zane cooed. 

“Stop doing that.”

“Stop doing what?”

“Stop being charming!”

“You think I’m charming?” Zane smiled. 

“I- I- I-”

“But anyway, Ellie, you and I have been at this since we first met at Sodom and Gomorrah-”

“During which time, I will remind you, I successfully taught humans homophobia,” Eligos said, crossing his arms with smug satisfaction, then blanching when flesh shifted and tingled at the touch. 

“And yet everyone blames us for that one,” Zane rolled his eyes. “Regardless, Ellie, if I or any angel could do transformation magicks, why in the millenia of vying over human souls haven’t any of us used it.”

“Um… I…”

“Plus, you know we’re all about free will. Wouldn’t transforming someone into something else strip them of that will?”

“I- shut up,” Eligos pouted. 

“God, you’re so cute when you make that face,” Zane leaned forward and put his chin under his fist. 

“What the- I am not cute!”

“Yeah you are.”

“No, I am not.”

“Okay fine, you’re not cute.”

“Thank you!”

“You’re adorable.”

Ba-bump, ba-bump, BA-BUMP!

“Why are you always like this?” Eligos said, swimming in his clothes, hair now reaching down to his collar. “You’ve always mocked me by saying things like that, even when we’re in direct opposition. Why?”

“Because it’s the truth,” Zane said. “I’ve never mocked you, Ellie. I’ve actually always respected you. I may not agree with you, but I can respect your conviction. Plus, let’s be honest, you’ve had a million opportunities to kill me that you’ve never taken.”

“Bullshit.”

“Oh really? Fall of Jericho? You pulled me out of the rubble when the walls came down.”

“Only because I’d rather have an opponent I know than one I don’t,” Eligos said, face shifting and softening.

“And what about when you found me passed out drunk at the Last Supper? You could have killed me, but instead you woke me up.”

“So I could gloat about how Yahweh’s son would die the next day,” Eligos said, voice cracking and shooting up. 

“And when St. Peter died, you didn’t stop me from taking him to Heaven because…?”

“Because I wanted to listen to Nero’s music,” Eligos said, crossing his arms again and… And… Yeah, there was definitely some fat on his chest that wasn’t there before. 

“God, you’re so full of shit,” Zane said in the most… Bizarrely affectionate tone Eligos had ever heard. 

“And you find that… Adorable?”

“Honestly, yeah.”

“You’re lying. You hate me.”

“Ellie, if I hated you, I would’ve requested a transfer centuries ago,” Zane said. “But I don’t, because then I wouldn’t get to show up at work every day to hang out with my favorite person.”

BA-BUMP BA-BUMP BA-BUMP!!!

“I’m you’re-”

“Yeah, girl. You are.”

“I’m not a girl!”

“How do you know? Have you ever tried being one?”

“Have you?”

“Yeah, actually,” Zane nodded. “Tried a gender-neutral form too. Neither felt right. This one did. And I can tell just by looking at you that the body you usually wear doesn’t suit you at all.”

Ellie… Eligos, he had to remember that, he was Eligos, not this… Not what Zane was suggesting he was. Never mind the fact that the longer he spent having this conversation with this angel, the more Eligos’ heart kept beating, the more that warmth kept shooting up his back and filling his brain, the bigger his breasts and hips got, the longer her hair grew-

“I wish you saw how you look to me,” Zane said, leaning forward and taking Ellie’s hand once more. 

“I can’t,” she- he, needed to keep a clear head, no matter how damn good this felt, no matter how damn good Zane’s gentle touch and sweet words felt. 

“I can show you,” Zane said, tracing his fingers along Ellie’s palm and sending the most terrifyingly wonderful tingles up his veins. 

“How?”

“Fly with me,” Zane said. “Just for a bit. I can show you things through my eyes if we’re up in the air.” 

He knew he should say no, but… There was a gnawing at his lungs that threatened to starve him of air if he walked away. He had to know for sure. Just so he could get back to normal. Nothing more. 

Zane stood up and extended his hand once more. “Come fly with me, Ellie.”

With a deep breath, Eligos stood up, clothes that no longer fit him nearly falling off. He took her angel’s hand, and they flew. 

***

Up in the sky, the world looked so small. They hovered between the sun and the earth, the stratosphere leaking away as it bled into the void of outer space. However small the blue and green orb looked, however, Eligos felt smaller. She was smaller. Sh… He was in Zane’s arms, the angel holding her close to his chest while his wings floated freely in the near-dearth of gravity. Warm rays reached from behind, almost as gentle and reassuring to the demon as Zane’s touch. 

In the millenia they’d known each other, he’d never been anything but kind to Eligos. They were enemies. Eligos had attacked him more than once, and Zane had flown off rather than have to fight directly. Even after the ban on violent confrontations two thousand years ago, any time Eligos had tried to goad Zane into taking a swing at him, the angel just laughed and said he was too pretty to hit. 

Eligos always thought he was being condescending, but… maybe he wasn’t.

“Is this how it always looks to you?” Eligos whispered. 

“Not always,” Zane said. “Sometimes I fly even higher. So it looks small enough to fit in my palm. I… I think it helps me understand how He sees things. My Father, I mean.”

“Do you ever have doubts? About what He’s doing?”

“All the time,” Zane said. “It comes with the whole faith thing. They’re like Yin and Yang. Can’t have one without the other, and there’s a little bit of the other in each of them.”

Eligos bit his lower lip, noting how big and puffy and sensitive it was now. He kept changing and changing and the more he did the better he felt. 

“What about you? Do you ever have doubts about what your king is up to?”

“I’m not allowed to,” Eligos whispered. “Doubt equals dissent. Dissent equals exile.”

“Exile to where?”

“Pluto.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“I wish,” Eligos said. “There’s actually a bunch of exiled demons stranded there. It’s miserable. We’re cold-blooded, so you can imagine what it’s like for us there.”

“Oof. Is that why you’re afraid to be you?”

“I’m still not… Not entirely convinced by what you’re saying. You said you wanted to show me, though.”

“You sure?” Zane said. 

“No,” Eligos said, hating how much he loved how high and breathy and sweet her voice sounded. “But we’re already here. So. How do you see me?”

“I said I’d show you through my eyes,” Zane said. “To do that, I gotta point you towards the light. Is that okay?”

“D-do you mean that literally?”

“Yes. Parables are for humans. Angels prefer the unvarnished truth.”

“Okay,” Eligos nodded, heartbeat terrifyingly loud. 

The angel’s wings turned, and so did his body. Eligos looked into his eyes and saw a glowing wheel in each one, screaming with light as they spun like cogs. Finally, the two of them faced the sun, and Eligos… Saw another wheel. Three wheels, in fact, all turning together in a triangular pattern while eyes peered out from the spokes. They shot light towards Eligos, and an overwhelming heat, richer and purer than any he’d ever encountered, washed over his skin and made his horns tingle. 

And he saw. 

In between the angel and the sun, held in the angel’s arms, was a young woman. Hair the color of an autumn night flowed down her back and framed her heart-shaped face, while crimson red eyes shone out of her face. Her skin was milk-white and smooth and soft, and her slender frame fit perfectly in Zane’s arms. Breasts swelled from her chest while her hips curved and flared, her figure accented perfectly by a flowing black gown. 

Her name was Ellie. The demon saw what the angel saw, and what the angel saw… Was Ellie.

Zane turned away from the sun, away from the trio of wheels spinning together at the center of the solar system, and when Eligos… When Ellie blinked she was looking up at him and found that the warmth was still there. It should have burned her, but she could take it. She’d always loved the fire and the heat, after all. And now… Now everything that she wasn’t had been charred away, ashes carried on solar wind and fading into the aether. 

She looked down at herself, and found she was exactly how Zane saw her. 

“This whole time?” she said softly. Her voice was… 

“Always,” Zane whispered back, directly into her ear. His voice was… 

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” Her voice was so…

“I tried,” Zane answered. “But I didn’t want to harass you or make you uncomfortable, so I tried to be subtle. It was only when that girl yesterday figured it out, saw you like I see you, that I decided to take a real solid crack at it.” His voice was so…

“You were worried about my feelings. I’m literally evil incarnate, born out of the molten core of damnation, and you were worried about my feelings.” Her voice was so… So… So pretty! It made her want to sing, made her want to dance, made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. “That’s the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Angel and all that, gotta keep it on brand,” Zane said, and his voice was so… So… So sexy! So low and smooth and full, and shot a jolt of electricity up her back and made her newfound heartbeat pound faster than it had before. She felt so safe in his arms, so secure, so wanted, so… So Desired. 

“Oh. Ohhhhh!” Ellie said. “Holy shit! You… You’re in love with me!”
“I mean… Yeah,” Zane laughed. He flapped his wings and propelled them downwards, descending towards the earth. “I love you. Ellie.”

The electricity buzzed through every part of her, waking her up in a way she’d never been erstwhile. She reveled in his touch, in the tingle it sent through her skin, the way it made her nipples harden and her nether-regions twitched and pulse. Oh hellfire, she was wet! And her horns, her horns were throbbing with sensation. It felt… This felt… He felt…

“I think I might love you too,” Ellie said as North America began to grow closer below them. “I think back and I… I don’t think I was mad at you all those times. I think I was mad at myself for enjoying your company so much. For looking forward to seeing you.”

“I figured,” he said. A farm came into view, fields of wheat standing tall and swaying in the breeze and drinking in the dawnlight. His feet touched the ground, but Ellie stayed in his arms. 

“What’s gonna happen now?” Ellie said. “My people… They think being like me… Changing who you are-”

“You didn’t change who you are, you became who you always were,” Zane said, still holding her tight, looking at her like she was the most precious and beautiful creature in all of his Father’s creation. 

“They won’t see it that way. To them, change is… An anathema.”

“Sounds like a them-problem,” Zane shrugged. And did that stupid fucking grin that made his face look so pretty. 

Her sex pulsed once again, demanding attention she’d just yesterday would have thought it didn’t deserve. “Zane, I’m homeless now.”

“You can stay with me.”

“In Heaven?!” Ellie balked. 

“Actually, I meant here on Earth,” Zane said. “This is uh… Well, I live here.”

“You’re a farmer?”

“The job is easier if I have a home base. And this lets me feed the hungry,” Zane said, carrying them towards a red farmhouse. “I’m upstairs half the week and down here the rest of it. You can… You can stay here. If you want.”

“Stay here with you?” Ellie said.

“If you want.”

He opened the door and led them into a quaint little rustic kitchen, up a flight of wooden stairs, and into a bedroom. It was sparse- spartan, really; a simple king-sized mattress underneath a blue bedspread. He set her down atop it, and looked at her with that boyish grin. 

Damn, he was pretty. 

“So, what happens now?” Ellie said. 

“Whatever you want.”

A thought buried deep inside her mind raced to the front and screamed to life out her mouth before she could halt it or think about it: “Can we have sex?”

He laughed, and it was as if the wind itself were laughing. 

Ellie frowned. “What’s so funny?”

“I just… Look, I’ll admit I’ve thought about us banging. A lot, actually. But I didn’t you’d ask me that quickly or that directly!”

“Zane, you literally put me on your bed,” Ellie said, barely suppressing a grin of her own. Her horns kept throbbing and tingling, demanding her attention. They’d always been sensitive, but she’d been taught never to pick at or fondle them for fear of damage. Now, however, they were crying out to her, and they were getting louder with each minute she looked at Zane, at each minute she spent imagining what he looked like naked. “Also… Uh, how do I put this? So like, God is okay with people like me, right?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, taking a seat next to her. 

“Well the Devil isn’t. He also frowns upon sex in general-”

“Yeah, it’s because he wants humans to stop enjoying life. And I guess he doesn’t want his flock to enjoy themselves either.”

“Yes,” Ellie said, putting a hand on Zane’s chiseled chest. Hor horns demanded she tear off his shirt and straddle him. “So what I’m saying is, I’ve been very repressed for a very long time. And I need to accept myself. And I need to unlearn some things. And given you’ve spent thousands of years encouraging the existence of erotic art-”

“Are you sure?” Zane said. “Like, I want to. A lot. But only if you’re sure-”

She did what the girls in those smutty stories (the ones she’d totally, definitely only read to know her enemy better, no other reasons there, I mean why would you even suggest something so absurd) did when their men needed a bit of prompting: she planted her lips onto his. His stubble tickled her sensitive skin, and his lips were warm and soft as he returned her kiss. Her tongue found its way into his mouth, exploring the new territory eagerly, and her fangs bit into his lower lip gently. 

He reached for the shoulder of her dress and pulled it off of her, then the other, then went for her neck and kissed and bit and chewed while she raked her hands through his white hair. Pleasure vibrated through her, and her hands found their way to her horns and at long last she ran her fingers over them and oh GOODNESS GRACIOUS THAT’S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE!? This whole fucking time they did THAT?!

A moan escaped her lips, riding on waves of ecstasy. She gripped both her horns as Zane continued to pull off her clothes and worked his way down her side with his mouth, kissing and then hickeying and then kissing again each spot on the trail from her nick to her hips. His head slowly migrated to between her legs, where her vagina, the one she’d only recently acquired, leaked pure pleasure. A finger brushed over her slit, and another pulse of electricity shot up her in time with a similar shock from her horns. She rubbed and tweaked and fondled the horns as he probed her front entrance with a finger, then two fingers, then three… 

“How’s that feel?” Zane said from between her legs. 

“More,” Ellie begged. “Please, more!”

“If the lady insists.”

Three fingers entered her in their entirety, the slick inner walls of her vagina groaning around them as her body sparked with evermore joy. She took one of her hands off her horn and put it on her breasts instead, fingers caressing the soft flesh and turning her nipple as if it were a dial designed to amp up the volume on her pleasure. 

His fingers slid in and out, in and out, in and out, until he suddenly removed them.

“What?” Ellie said. “What are you doing? Why are you-”

He answered the question by running his tongue over her slit. Her toes curled and her back arched and she screamed as he kept working her lips with his tongue, as he found her clit and lapped at it. She laid back on the bed, spreading her legs wide and playing with her tits and her horns while he made music with his tongue. 

“Oh, hellfire, oh… Ohhh… Oh my God!” she screamed for the very time in her immortal existence. And as her eyes rolled back into her head and her clit quivered and her horns seized up with joy and her very first orgasm exploded throughout her body, she suspected she’d be doing that a lot more often going forward. 

But there was more to be done first. 

She sat up immediately and tore off Zane’s shirt, reveling in the sight of his sculpted physique for a moment before reaching for his pants. 

“I take it the lady enjoyed,” Zane grinned. God, that grin, that smolder, could melt glaciers and boil the ocean.

“Yes, and I want more,” Ellie purred, pulling down his pants and his boxers and holy fucking shit that thing was enormous. Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped and she licked her lips and the tips of her fangs. “Please. I’m still so wet and I need to know what I’ve been missing.”

She laid back again and parted her legs and hooked them around his back. Zane growled with hunger as he slid forward and entered her, his shaft a perfect fit for her pussy. He thrust, and thrust, and thrust, and the friction of him against her vaginal walls screamed with an even greater joy than before. 

“Oh Zane,” she said. She… Dirty-talk, that’s what it was called. Okay, she could dirty-talk while he railed her, as he reached up deeper and deeper inside her, pushing against her limits and breaking away anything that remained of her resistance. “God, you’re fucking huge, and you’re so good with it. Oh God, you’re amazing. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’re a stud, you’re a hunk, you’re beautiful, and I… Oh God, I love you, Zane!”

“Not that it isn’t working,” Zane said, “But that’s gotta be the most wholesome dirty-talk I’ve ever heard.”

“What can I say, I’m new at this,” she giggled. 

“I mean hey, I don’t mind one bit,” he said. “I love how happy my little slut is.”

“Ohhh I like that. Call me slut again,” she purred in between his thrusts. 

He loomed over her as he plowed her, kissing her neck, her collarbone, her cheek, her lips. “Slut. Harlot. Needy, greedy little sex-maniac.”

“You… You get off on corrupting me, don’t you?” Ellie said.

“I get off on making you scream with pleasure, babe,” Zane said, pinching her horns between his fingers and oh dear Lord YES! “If the idea that I corrupted you is what gets you off, then we can lean into it. Whore.”

Her vaginal walls clenched, another orgasm welling up. “Please come inside me,” Ellie said. “I need your seed in me. I need to come on your cock and I need you to spill inside my walls.”

“Not a problem. Slut,” he said before burying his tongue in her mouth and thrusting and thrusting and oh God she was coming again. She was a sun going supernova as she clenched and screamed and exploded and he burst inside her. His seed flowed into her, and her pussy drank it up like a fine wine.

She milked him for every last drop until he finally slid out of her and then collapsed atop her chest. She was a boneless pile of girl-flesh, her horns still tingling and her pussy still spasming as afterglow overwhelmed her senses. Zane’s face rested on her breast and she stroked his hair and kissed his temple. 

“That was so good, Zane,” Ellie whispered. “I never thought it could be… I never knew I could… Was it good for you?”

He looked up at her, chin on her breasts and eyes shining with light. “It was everything I dreamt of and more. You… You’re even more beautiful than you were when I first laid eyes on you.” The wheels in his eyes, the echoes of his angelic body, turned as he spoke. 

He poked her nose, then her horns, once on the tip of each, and she said, “I love you.”

“Love you too, Ellie. Always have.”

***

The author, another young woman in a coffee shop, a laptop sitting on the table in front of her, hands trembling over her keyboard, stared at the word processor on the screen. A blank page, waiting to be filled up with smut. She was nervous. She’d never done this before. Part of her wondered if she should be doing this. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” said a man at the table next to her. He was disturbingly white, practically translucent, with dull eyes and a deep-set frown on his clean-shaven face. He was dressed like Pilgrim for some fucking reason, and he stared at her like a disapproving father. 

“I shouldn’t what?” the author asked.

“You know what,” the man said, practically growling. “You ought to be ashamed. What would your mother say if she knew what you were doing?”

The words in the author’s throat got stuck on a barrier of pure misery. She moved the cursor on her laptop over the to x icon, intending to close the document and never reopen it. 

“Oh, don’t listen to this idiot,” a new voice registered. While the strange Pilgrim was at the table to her right, to her left was a young couple. Probably around her age, and both comically attractive.

The man had white hair, of all things, in spite of looking twenty-eight at most, along with broad shoulders and a square jaw and chest hair bursting out of the man-cleavage his tight v-neck offered. His dark skin and dark eyes and gentle smile were all alluring, and the author’s pussy twitched at the sight of him. 

The woman, meanwhile, held his hand tightly. She was white, almost but not quite as pale as the Pilgrim, with long black hair and heavy bangs. Her eyes were red- must’ve been colored contacts- and her nose and ears were pierced. Black lipstick and dark eyeshadow and the spiked choker around her throat all added to the ensemble, as did the low-cut black tank-top and leather miniskirt and fishnet stockings she wore. Goddamn, she was hot. Her foot was between the legs of the man- her boyfriend, presumably- but her eyes were locked on the author. 

“Sorry, who are you?” the author asked. 

“Just… Someone who used to be in the same line of work as that idiot over there,” the woman said, pointing at the Pilgrim. 

The Pilgrim balked. “What the- Eligos? Is that you?!”

“It’s Ellie, now,” the woman said. “Call me by that name again and see what happens.”

“Yeah,” her boyfriend said. “See what happens.”

And his eyes… They changed. They became two wheels, turning rapidly and pulsing with white light. 

“Okay, I’m gonna go write somewhere else,” the author said, closing her laptop but leaving the word document open.

“No,” the Pilgrim whined, “Wait, don’t-”

“Nope, this is getting super weird. I’ll leave you three to… Whatever this is. You’ve clearly got a lot to talk about.”

She darted towards the door, but turned her head back on last time as she stood on the threshold. The Pilgrim was glaring, but the woman and her boyfriend… Were just smiling at each other, love radiating off of both of them.

“Explain yourself!” the Pilgrim spat. 

“I got laid,” the woman, Ellie, said with a smug smirk and a casual shrug. “You should try it sometime.”