Trade Paperback Romance: Month 11 (May)

Eli

A lone shard of sunlight snuck through the blinds of Samantha’s… Of our bedroom window. I still had these moments where I had to remind myself I wasn’t a guest here, that this was my home as much as it was Samantha’s. The ray of light refracted off of Samantha’s black hair, her head buried in my chest as she clinged to me in her sleep. 

Every fiber of my being wanted to stay with her in bed all day. Never let her go. Alas, that was not in the cards: I had exams in the afternoon and evening, and Samantha was going to be waiting at the hospital while Paul had his operation. 

The success rate for open-heart surgery was ninety percent. In all likelihood, it would be fine. The operation was all paid for. The shop was turning a modest profit. Samantha had been posing in family pictures alongside Callum for his campaign. Bethany’s dad had gotten Samantha’s legal name and gender change taken care of. She hadn’t purged in almost a month. My pitiful excuse for a family had been leaving me alone of late. And I was reasonably confident that after tonight, I’d be one step closer to my associate’s in business management. I’d get a few weeks off and then I’d start the summer semester. I’d work at the shop and visit Paul in the hospital and go on dates with Samantha. 

Things would be fine. 

But I couldn’t ignore this knot of dread tied tight around my lungs. 

Samantha murmured, and I pressed my lips to her forehead. 

“Good morning,” she whispered. 

“Morning. Sleep well?”

“Yeah. I had a nice dream.”

“Oh yeah?” I said, running my hand through her hair. It was down past her shoulders now, silky and thick and smooth, shiny in the radiant morning. “What was it about?”

“... I don’t think I should say.”

“Why not?”

She looked up at me, her hazel eyes big and full of hope and fear. “Because I want it to come true. But I’m afraid if I say it aloud, it won’t.”

I pressed my forehead to hers. “How about I guess? I ask yes or no questions. You nod or shake your head for your answers.”

With a sleepy smile, she nodded. 

“Was Paul there?”

She nodded. 

“Was I there?”

She nodded again. 

“Were Bethany and Kelsey?”

“Little bit.”

“What does that mean?”

“They were in it, but only for a second. It wasn’t really about them. And it was only kind of about Paul.”

“Hm. Okay,” I said, running my hand down her side until it rested comfortably in her curve. “Was it about me?”

Nod.

“Was it about us?”

Another nod.

I moved my hand to her back, holding her tight against me. “Did it take place in a church?”

One more nod. 

“Was Paul walking you down the aisle?”

Slowly, trepidatiously, she nodded yet again. 

I kissed her gently on the mouth, parting her legs with my foot. I rolled on top of her, settling over her naked body, my bare chest against her soft breasts. “That does sound like a nice dream.”

“It’s… It was…”

“But?”

“But it feels like I’m getting ahead of myself,” she murmured, those big hazel eyes so scared and so precious. 

“Why?” I said, hands on her hips. 

“We’re… We’re still kids, Eli.”

“Doesn’t feel like we’re kids,” I said, kissing her neck. “I feel like I haven’t been a kid in… God, I don’t even know. I wanna say since I graduated, but even then… My parents never really treated me like a kid. They treated me like an unpaid intern. I’m sure I was a kid at some point, but I’m working full-time, getting a business degree, living with the woman I love… Feels like I’m a grown-ass man to me.”

“And me?”

“You’re taking care of your dad, working, pursuing your art, and playing house at all at the same time,” I said, kissing her cheek. “And you’ve basically become Eve and Michael’s mom in the past month.”

She pressed her lips to my neck, hooked her legs around mine, and started scratching my back with her long black fingernails. It was more for her than me when she did that, but I didn’t exactly mind. “I am not their mom.”

“You took Eve shopping clothes shopping, taught her how to do her makeup, let her crash here overnight, gave her advice about boys, showed her how to cook-”

“That’s just big sister stuff,” she shook her head. 

“You breastfeed Michael,” I pointed out. “You got the lactation medication they make for trans women to be able to do that.”

“Okay that… That’s pretty mom-ish.”

“Far as I’m concerned, that makes you a MILF,” I said before shoving my tongue down her throat. 

“I’m too young to be a MILF,” she whined in between kisses.

“Yeah, but you’re objectively hot enough to be one,” I laughed.

I nibbled her shoulder, and the knot around my lungs loosed as she moaned with pleasure. “You certainly have a way with words. A magic tongue, if you will.”

“So do you, babe,” I whispered into her ear. 

“Hmm. High praise. Mind if I earn the adulation?”

I sat up and said, “I don’t mind one bit.”

She dove between my legs. It was a nice start to the day, all things considered. 

***

We sat in the car, parked in the back lot of the hospital. “You sure you don’t want me there?”

“Of course I want you there,” Samantha said. “But you need to take your exams. Just… Say a prayer for Paul, and meet me here after you get done, okay?”

“Okay,” I nodded, giving her a peck on the lips before she got out of the car. 

I waited until she’d gone inside the hospital before I crossed myself, sitting there in prayer for something like five minutes before I opened my eyes again. 

I put the car in reverse and started out of the parking lot, heading towards my school. 

My phone started ringing before I was even halfway there. 

“Tio,” I said, “What’s up?”

“Eli, your dad is on his way to your school,” Tio Miguel said. 

The knot around my lungs tightened again. “What.”

“He managed to find out you have exams today,” Tio Miguel said. 

“So what, he’s trying to stop me from taking them out of spite?”

“This is Pedro we’re talking about here.”

“Yeah, good point,” I grimaced. “Shit shit shit- is there any way you can stall him?”

“He already left.”

“Dammit. Alright, if I can get there first, I can warn the security guards that a disgruntled parent wants to come make a scene,” I said. I looked at the navigation app on my phone and saw I was thirty minutes out. “It’s gonna be tight, but I think I can manage it.”

“Is there anything you need from me?” Tio Miguel asked. 

“Keep Tabitha distracted, if you can,” I said. “The last thing I need is her dumping gasoline on this fire.”

“Uh, about that.”

Tighter still, the knot became. I was damn near struggling for breath. “What?”

“She’s not here. I’m at your parents’ house, and she’s not here.”

“Then where the hell is she?!”

Samantha

As I entered the hospital lobby and approached the front desk, hope and terror battled for dominance inside my stomach. Terror won out when a pair of hands reached out from behind me, took me by the shoulders, and dragged me into a corner. I wanted to scream for help, but a flat palm was placed over my mouth, and I found myself locking eyes with Tabitha Luna, clad in blue scrubs, hair tied back, and death in her eyes.

“Don’t make a sound,” she whispered. 

I nodded slowly, and she pulled her hand off of my mouth. 

She looked me up and down, keeping me pressed against a wall off in a corner away from view. “Hello,” she said. 

I was silent. 

“Do you remember me?”

I nodded. 

“Good. You know it’s funny, you and I have been just missing each other for a while now. I work at this hospital,” she said. “Your uncle is here. He’s getting surgery today, right?”

My hands bunched into fists. “If you’re threatening him-”

“I wouldn’t threaten the life of a patient at my hospital. I’m not a monster,” Tabitha rolled her eyes. 

“But you would threaten your son’s girlfriend.”

“Oh, honey. You’re not a girl.”

“Funny. Modern medical science disagrees.”

“Don’t get cute with me, boy,” Tabitha said. 

“What do you even want?”

“I want you to stay away from my son,” Tabitha said. “I worked on him for too long, invested too much time and money, for you to come along and corrupt him like you did. Now he’s falling apart, making mistakes-”

“Funny, he seems happier than ever to me,” I said. 

“Because you’ve brainwashed him!” Tabitha snapped. “Tell me, what kind of life do you think you’ll be able to give him? A bitter, exhausting existence on the margins of society? Look at the world around you. Look at the state of this country. There’s no room for freaks like you. Soon, our country will purge entirely the collective delusion of what you claim to be. Even if you keep stubbornly insisting you’re something you’re not, surely not you’re not so stubborn as to not see where things are heading. Nobody is that stupid.”

“I’m not going anywhere!” I bit back.

“No, I suppose you’re not,” Tabitha said. “People like you- crazy people, delusional people- they always think things will just work out for them. But that’s not the world we live in. That’s not the world I live in. And I don’t intend to let something like you intrude upon that world and take MY son from me.”

Part of me wanted to apologize, of all things. Part of me wanted to collapse like a house of cards and run away. But another part of me, one that had grown steadily louder over the past year, screamed ‘fuck that.’ “I didn’t take him from you. I freed him from you. I unlocked the chains you put on him, and he chose to follow me.” 

“He’s my son-”

“He’s his own person,” I snapped back. “He can make his own choices. And he chose me. Because he loves me. And I love him. And if you’re really so broken as to see that as a problem, it’s not MY problem. And it’s sure as hell not his. Now back the fuck away from me.”

She tightened her grip on my shoulder. I put my own hands around her wrists. 

“You don’t want to make me mad,” Tabitha said. 

“Go ahead, get mad,” I said. “You think you’re so tough? My mom was a million times worse than you, and I survived her just fine. You’d probably get along great with her, honestly: neither of you are remotely worthy of calling yourselves parents.”

“And you’re not worthy of calling yourself a woman.”

I squeezed tight around her wrists. “Back. Away. Now.”
“Or what? You’ll assault me? Whose side do you think a jury will take?”  

“Tabitha!” A familiar voice called out. “Get away from her right this second!”

Bianca marched towards us, feet stomping on the linoleum floor. 

“Bianca?” Tabitha said, finally letting go of me and turning to face her sister-in-law. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“My husband called and told me what Pedro was doing,” Bianca said. “I was on my way here anyway to support Samantha. But when I heard what Pedro was up to, I figured you’d be trying something similar.”

I nearly sobbed. I’d only mentioned Dad’s operation to Tabitha a few times, but I didn’t expect her to remember the exact date, and I definitely didn’t expect her to come here today. Thank God she had though. 

I let go of Tabitha, and she stood between Bianca and myself. 

“So you and your husband have been taking this faggot’s side the entire time?” Tabitha said. “Is that right?”

“We took the side of our nephew, whom we love, and the beautiful young woman whom he loves,” Bianca said firmly, standing her ground, locking eyes with Tabitha. 

I walked around Tabitha, stood next to Bianca, and took a step forward alongside her. Tabitha was, quite literally, backed into a corner. 

Good. 

“You’re making a mistake, Bianca,” Tabitha said. “You and Miguel both. Same with your sons.”

“We can live with it,” Bianca said. “Just like you have to live with yourself.”

“This isn’t over,” Tabitha said. 

“It will be once I file a restraining order,” I said. “My best friend’s dad is a very good lawyer and he’d be more than happy to take this one pro bono.”

Tabitha’s eyes bulged wider than I would’ve thought possible. She grinded her teeth together and finally broke eye contact with us. 

“Come on, Samantha,” Bianca said, taking my hand and leading me away from the horrible, horrible woman who’d somehow given birth to the most wonderful man I’d ever met. “We have more important things to do than deal with this monster.”

“You’re right,” I said, “We do.”

We were shepherded to Paul’s room just as he was being wheeled out of it in a chair. I gestured to the orderly so I could take over, and he led us to the operating room while I pushed him. The overhead lights were too bright, angry white spikes nailed in from above and sticking through the ceiling, but I grinned and bore it regardless. 

“Hey, Dad,” I said, Bianca trailing close behind me. 

“Hey there, kiddo,” Dad said. “How you doing?”

“I’m… I’m okay,” I said. “Had a run-in with someone I don’t much like, but I think she’s taken care of for the time being.”

“Good,” Dad said. 

“I, uh, I had a dream last night,” I said, the tears starting to gather behind my eyes. “You were walking me down the aisle at me and Eli’s wedding.”

He put his hand over mine and squeezed tight. “Beautiful. I can’t wait to do that.”

“You- you really mean-”

“Eli is a good man,” Dad said. “He makes you happy. And I love him like he’s part of the family already. Whenever you two are ready to take the plunge, you have my full support. Whether that’s next week or next year or ten years from now, I’ll do everything I can to make it happen for you.”

“Thank you,” I sobbed. 

“Of course. You’re my daughter, after all.”

“Thank you,” I repeated, not sure what else to say. “How are you feeling? Nervous?”

“A bit, yeah,” Dad said as the operating room came into sight at the end of the hall. “But mostly, I’m excited.”

“Excited?”

“Once this is over, I’m one step closer to getting out of here,” he grinned. “I wanna go outside, sit on the beach, watch the waves crash against the shore. I want to get back to our shop. And I want to get back home to you and Eli. Maybe meet this new niece and nephew you told me about, too.”

I nodded, the tears coming freely. “I can’t wait.”

“Me neither,” Dad said as we entered the operating room.

The doctor, an older east Asian man, stood waiting for us. “We’ll have to have you wait outside for this part,” he said. 

“Of course,” I nodded. 

I walked over and wrapped my arms around my uncle, my father, the man who’d saved and taken me in when nobody else wanted me, the man who gave me everything. “I love you, Dad.”

“Love you too, kiddo,” Dad said, squeezing me back. 

Eli

I pulled into the parking lot, got out, and immediately made a b-line for the security office. I had twenty minutes until my exam started, so I had to make this quick. My heart was screaming inside my chest, my hands trembling, my palms sweating. 

The security office was located in a trailer situated on campus near the registrar’s building. I knocked, and the chief officer, a portly, dark-skinned Latino, stood on the other side in his blue uniform. 

“Hi, so, I think someone is coming here looking for me, and I need you guys to not let him in,” I said in Spanish. 

“You’re Eli Luna?” the guard responded in Spanish. 

“Si.”

“Come inside a second,” the guard said, beckoning me in. 

I gulped, but I entered. 

Pedro was sitting there on a seat inside the cramped quarters of the trailer. 

“I’ll give you two a minute,” the guard said. “Holler if he gets violent.”

I wasn’t sure who that last part was directed at.

I stood. Pedro remained sitting. 

“Elijah.”

“Pedro,” I said softly. 

“I think you mean ‘dad.’”

“No. I don’t,” I said. “What do you want?”

“I want you to come home with me.”

“Nope. I have exams. And then I have to get to the hospital right afterwards.”

He groaned. “A business exam. Unbelievable- you can’t do anything I want you to, can you?”

“Guess not.”

“Don’t take that tone with me, boy-”

“Fuck you,” I said. 

His forehead vein throbbed. “This is your last chance-”

“I’m good.”

“Oh for- he can’t possibly be worth it!”

“She is,” I said. “I’m gonna marry her.”

“Wh- you’re nineteen! You can’t get married. That’s absurd!”

“You and Tabitha got married right out of high school,” I pointed out. “And in spite of everything else I can say about you two, you do seem like you’re happy together. Only thing you ever seemed to regret was having me.”

He… Flinched. Huh. “I don’t regret having you, Eli. I regret not doing a better job with you.” Huh. “Maybe if I had, you wouldn’t be doing all this nonsense.” Aaaannd there it is. 

“Or maybe you’d accept me as I am, instead of trying to make me into you,” I fired back. 

“Elijah, please,” he said, finally standing up. It was surreal. We were the same height now, but… God, he was so much smaller than me he may as well have stayed sitting down. “Everything I’ve done, whether you agree with it or not, has been to make sure you have a better life than me. If you do this, if you keep on this path, you’ll ruin everything. You’ll screw yourself over, and flush everything I did for you down the toilet. You can’t possibly do that to yourself. Or to me.”

There were no words with which I could accurately convey how much I wanted to break his face. But I couldn’t do that. I’d gotten off lucky last time they put me in lockup. If it happened again… I was doomed, and none of this would be worth it. 

So instead, I took a step forward, locking eyes with him. “I’ll tell you what I’ll do to myself. I’m gonna go take my tests and I’m gonna ace them. I’m gonna get my associate’s degree. I am gonna be the best small business owner in this whole fucking city. I’m gonna save up until I can afford to put a ring on Samantha’s finger and I am gonna marry her and someday I’m gonna start a family with her. As for what I’ll do to you? I will go out of my way to make sure you never meet your grandchildren. And if I ever see you again, if the woman I love ever has to see your face again, I will take out a restraining order. Do I make myself clear?”

He flinched again, jaw dropped, eyes lowered. “Fine. Have it your way.”

“I will,” I said, walking towards the door. “Have a nice life, Pedro.”

I walked away, heart screaming, relief boiling over in my mind. 

“All good?” the security guard asked. 

“All good,” I said. 

***

“How’d the tests go?” Mr. Duncan said as I left his wife’s classroom, my exams both behind me. And my dirtbag father behind me as well. If I ever saw him again, it would be too soon. And if he ever saw me again… He wouldn’t like how the conversation went.

“Not bad,” I said, hands in my pockets and backpack over my shoulder as I entered the hallway. And they hadn’t been. It’s funny how studying a subject you actually have aptitude for was much easier than something you had no talent for whatsoever. Yeah, the tests were difficult, and I’d had to spend a lot of time preparing for them, but it still felt like a step in the right direction. Like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. Felt fantastic.

“I heard about your dad showing up here earlier,” Mr. Duncan said. 

“He’s not my dad,” I said plainly. 

“No, I suppose he’s not. You got a second to talk?” he said, walking by my side as I went towards the front door. 

“I kinda have to motor,” I said, the phone in my pocket turned off but calling out to me nonetheless. 

“Fair enough. Just one thing real quick,” he said, fishing something out of his breast-pocket. “Hold out your hand.”

I did. 

He put something in it, and when I opened my palm, I saw a diamond ring. It wasn’t big, or flashy, or expensive. If anything, it was old and scuffed up. But still… “Sir, I can’t-”

“It was my wife’s idea,” he said. “She’s taken a shine to you, but she wanted me to be the one to give this to you. Man to man. Seriously, she wants you to have it. And so do I. I’m proud of you, kid. Well, actually, I should probably say I’m proud of you, young man.”

I spoke through the lump in my throat. “Thank you. So much.”

“Don’t mention it. Just return the favor someday, give it to some other young man who wants to burn the world down for his woman,” Mr. Duncan smiled. “Now go get her, champ.”

I nodded, smiled, and ran through the doors and off to my car. 

I turned on my phone as soon as I started the car, and was greeted by several dozen alerts. Five calls from Bethany, six from Kelsey, ten from Tio Miguel, twenty from Tia Bianca, and… And only one from Samantha. 

And the knot tightened again. 

Ring in my pocket, I drove, and drove, and drove, running through every yellow light and most of the red ones for good measure until finally, a half hour later, the sun set and night consuming the world, I was there. 

A nurse showed me where everyone was. In an alcove on the third floor, all huddled together beneath a flickering overhead light, was Bethany and Kelsey, Tia Bianca and Tio Miguel, Andre and Edson, Reggie and Eve, all standing in a circle around Samantha. 

Her face was buried in her hands, and she was sobbing her eyes out. 

My breathing haggard, my brain drowning in fear, my lungs practically choked out of air, I took a knee in front of the woman I loved. I took her hands in mine, pulling them away from her face. She was a mess of tears and makeup, and she looked like she’d just had her entire world shattered at once.

“He’s gone, isn’t he?” I asked, the knot nearly stealing away every last breath from my lungs, threatening to strangle the life away from the world we’d made for each other. 

She nodded. 

And just like that, it shattered for me as well.