Trade Paperback Romance: Chapter 16

Month 10: April

Samantha

“How was therapy?” ;Bethany asked while she spotted me. 

I laid on the bench-press, attempting to force a comically small amount of weight over my head with mixed results. Bethany loomed over me in a hot pink sports bra and matching yoga pants, all of which led to a very difficult sight not to stare at. She was dripping with sweat and had her six-pack abs and defined biceps on full display, and even with her hair up in a messy bun and not wearing a stitch of makeup she still looked like a damn goddess. Like, holy fuck, it was unfair how hot she was!

“It was alright,” I said. “We mostly worked on when my body image issues started, got a little bit into how I can recontextualize them in a way that will help going forward.”

I’d started seeing my new shrink a week after Eli’s impromptu intervention. It wasn’t easy, and I’d still kept purging when I was alone for another two weeks, but now I was on full week without and starting to feel kinda proud of that fact. Granted, other parts of my mind were actively screaming at me day and night to try to get me to do it again, but… Each day, they got a little quieter. I don’t know if they’d ever completely silence, but it was a start. 

“And she said you’re okay to do this whole workout plan?” Bethany asked, leaning over slightly and offering a generous view of her boobs. 

I blinked rapidly for a moment before responding with, “Yeah, she thinks it’s a great idea. Honestly, this… This is probably gonna be healthier than what I was doing.”

“It’s significantly healthier, girl,” Bethany said gently. 

“I know,” I said softly, sitting up on the bench, raking a hand through my damp, sweaty hair. I looked around the gym Bethany had brought us to- her guest pass being the main reason I was here- and saw a legion of girls who were skinnier than me, prettier than me, better than me… No, no I shouldn’t think that way. Not healthy. Don’t think of it as a way to beat myself up. Look at it for inspiration. And all these gorgeous girls were nothing if not inspiring. “Does it ever get any easier?”

“Eventually,” Bethany shrugged, sitting down next to me on the bench, our shoulders touching lightly. “Well, maybe not ‘easier’ but slightly less difficult? Does that make sense?”

“Not really, no,” I said.

“Hm. Well, I’ll figure out what I actually mean by that later, I guess. And when I do, you’ll be the first to know!” she smiled. 

Fuck, her smile was beautiful. “Thanks, Beth.”

“No problem, girly-pop!” she said, giving me a squeeze, our boobs knocking together in the process. Well, mostly it was just her massive d-cups threatening to engulf my b’s, but still. “Now, scoot over. It’s my turn to pump iron.”

“Bet you say that all the time,” I grinned. 

“Damn straight,” she snapped her fingers. 

“Wouldn’t that be damn bi, in your case?” I said as I stood up.  

She laid flat on the bench in front of me, legs spread, breasts heaving up and down as she breathed, clothing tight and skin slicked with sweat. “Oh yes, very much so.”

“Good for you, girl,” I smiled appreciatively. 

She began lifting far more weight than I’d ever be able to manage as I counted her reps for her. This was all well and good, and I was happy to be here, but the rest of the day… Well this trip to the gym might very well prove to be the highlight, given where I was heading after this. 

“Is Kayla giving you any grief?” Bethany said between reps. 

“She’s… Well, she doesn’t know, actually,” I shrugged as I dabbed my sweaty brow with a hand towel. “As far as she’s aware, I’m taking all her advice like the daughter she always wanted.”

“Look, I’ve never met her, but out of context she sounds kinda creepy.”

“You’re not wrong,” I said. There was something a bit… Sinister, lurking behind that perfect smile of Kayla’s, something I couldn’t quite get a read on but was hard to unsee once noticed. And I’d noticed it immediately, but my brain was too overwhelmed with shame and compulsion to think about it clearly. 

The way she’d… Swooped in to teach me the ways of hiding your bulimia… That wasn’t normal. She’d probably done this before, with someone else. I had to play it cool right now for Dad’s sake, but… God, I couldn’t help but pity my little brothers. Even if Lance seemed wary around me to a degree that was kinda off-putting… Well, he was still family. And Michael was just a baby- he needed all the help he could get. 

“Still with me, Samantha?” Bethany said. 

“Yeah, yeah, still here,” I said, shaking my head in an attempt to dispel all the conflicting thoughts. I needed to concentrate on where I was. Here, with my friend, in this gym, surrounded by all these outrageously beautiful women in workout attire. I wasn’t where I wanted to be yet, but I could still catch up. 

God, if only they weren’t all so damn pretty!

Elijah

“You’ve gotta catch up, Reggie, we’ve been at this for twenty minutes,” I said as I once more attempted to show him the correct way in which you handled restocking books we’d run out of. 

“Right, right, sorry, I just… Sorry!” Reggie said, jotting everything I said down in his notebook. “‘Been at this for twenty minutes…’”

I rolled my eyes. The kid had actually closed a bunch of sales during his trial by fire last month, to the point where Samantha had just offered him an actual part-time job the next day. Unfortunately, he had no idea how to do anything else. “Reggie, you don’t have to jot down every single thing I say verbatim.”

“‘Don’t have to write everything verbatim…’”

I palmed my face. “You’re killing me, Reg.”

“No, it’s okay, see, I can write in shorthand!”

“Why do you know how to- never mind. Look, you’re not seeing the forest for the trees here, buddy.”

“‘Forest for the-’”

I snatched the notebook out of his hands. “Okay, when you’re taking notes for school, do you copy the entire textbook, word for word?”

“Yes,” he nodded with an eager smile. 

I tilted my head. We stood together in the shop on a warm, dry April afternoon while a tired but eager looking dad shepherded a few little boys (presumably his sons, or possibly his son and his son’s friends) around the back to pick out some stuff to read on a long car ride up to Eureka. “You… You copy down wholesale passages?”

“Yup!”

“That doesn’t make any sense. That’s completely impractical.”

“Not for me!”

“And why’s that?” I said, folding my arms together. 

“I have this low-level superpower, see: when I write something down, I remember it forever,” he said, seemingly in earnest. 

I raised an eyebrow. “Okay, I’ll bite.” I flipped to the front page of the notebook. “What’s the first paragraph you have written down in here?”

I looked down at the entirety of my monologue from the beginning of this whole endeavor wherein I’d spoken at length about the organizing system Paul had come up with for arranging the various DC timelines in a non-chronological order. Yeah, this was definitely the part where I called the kid out on his bullshit. No hard feelings, Reggie, but-

“‘Books set during the early years of the post New 52 Timeline that qualify as stories set in the grimdark reimagined silver slash golden age, such as RDOK or Zero Year, can go at the beginning of a characters’ section alongside the collected editions of their actual earliest appearances. Same goes for recent stories set in the ‘throwback era’ of the various World’s Finest titles, and of course actual origin story reboots as well. Following that same logic, any stories set in hypothetical futures, such as One Million, LoSH, or KC go on the back end of a title’s timeline, even if they contradict each other or have been undermined by recent develops in canon-’”

“Stop,” I said, blinking through my disbelief. I turned over three pages. “What did you put in the middle of page three?”

“‘When determining whether or not something goes in the bargain bin, discern whether any pages are missing or torn, whether any watermarks or other stains are present, and, particularly with manga tankobon, if there’s any chance it’s a bootleg or a scanlation compilation-”

“Page five. Bottom paragraph,” I said.  

“‘When assessing books exchanged for store credit or cash, be sure to check our pricing guide for both quality and rarity-’”

“No, no the paragraph below that one.”

“There isn’t a paragraph below that one.”

I slammed the notebook shut. “Shit man, you do have a low-level superpower.”

He nodded eagerly.

“Been holding out on me this whole time. Tisk tisk,” I said, clapping him on the shoulder. “Seriously though: that’s really cool. If you can find a way to monetize it, do so.”
 “I’m working on that,” Reggie said. .

“Good,” I said, snapping my fingers. “Okay, write down everything I say after all.”

“Cool!”

“Now then, when you’re closing up shop for the night, the thing to remember is…”

Samantha

I pulled up to Callum and Kayla’s house and braced myself for the worst. Callum had wanted to talk to me about something I could do in exchange for Paul’s surgery, and I was here to agree to it (whatever it was) and to collect the check from him. And Kayla was apparently ‘thrilled’ to see the progress I’d been making. 

Yeah, this was gonna be awkward. 

However, when I got to the door, I was not greeted by Callum or Kayla or even any of their staff, but rather by my little brothers. Lance held Michael in his arms when he answered the door and beckoned me inside without so much as a word. 

I broke the silence by saying, “Uh… Hi, Lance, nice to see you?”

“Is that a question?” he said flatly. 

“In the sense that I was wondering why you didn’t bother to ask it,” I said as I followed him into the living room. Two plush couches were spread out over an ornate carpet, while a plasma screen television bigger than my bedroom wall hung prominently in front of them. A paused playback of a magical girl anime glowed on screen, while Lance gently and delicately sat on the couch while supporting Michael’s head. 

“I… Uh, shoot, I’m sorry,” he said in a tone even flatter than he’d used before. “I… Dang it. I did it again.”

“Did what again?” I asked, sitting on the same couch as him, but on the other end of it. Something told me this wasn’t a kid who liked having his personal space violated too much. 

“Forgot a social cue,” he said, looking at the baby. “I… Yeah. Dangit.”

“Hey, it’s not a big deal-”

“Mom says it is,” Lance replied. “She’s… She’s always on my case about how bad I am with people.”

That was… Deeply unsurprising, frankly. “How ‘on your case’ are we talking? Like, she yells at you-”

“Yes.”

“How often?”

“Every time I miss a cue,” he said. “Not always right away. Sometimes she waits until we get home from wherever we just were. Other times she pulls me aside when we’re out in public to do it. And other times she kinda… She gives me this weird look. I don’t know exactly what it means to her, but usually for me it means I’m going to get read the riot act before the end of the week.”

“Jesus,” I said, raking a hand through my hair. “Look, uh, can I ask-”

“Ask what?”

“Do you… Do you like your mom?”

He blinked, then looked down at Michael with an inscrutable expression. “She’s… She’s not all bad, I guess.”

“Doesn’t seem like a great thing to say about your mom,” I said. 

“She… I mean, she… I dunno.”

“You dunno what?”

“Dunno if she loves me,” Lance said. “I think… I’m not what she wanted. She says that’s not the case, but she does say I wasn’t what my dad wanted and that’s why he left.”

“Oh, God,” I said. 

“Hm. She… She’s not all bad. Sometimes, when I do something right, she praises me.”

“Does she say she loves you? Like, ever?”

“I… I know she has, I just don’t remember when the last time she did was.”

“And what about Michael? Does she love him?”

“Yeah, of course, he hasn’t had time to let her down yet,” Lance said, his face finally decipherable: confusion about why I would ask such a thing. Like it was obvious that a parents’ love was completely conditional.

“What about Callum?” I asked. “How do you feel about him?”

“I’m not what he wants either.”

“Well then we’ve got that much in common,” I said with a bitter smile.

He blinked again. “Oh, right. I’m, uh, I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“Thanks,” I said. “At least he’s better than my mom, though. She’s never even bothered to look for me.”

“That’s awful.”

“Well, she IS awful, so it’s on-brand,” I shrugged. “You didn’t answer my question, though. How do you feel about your step-dad?”

He hesitated, then started rocking Michael back and forth. 

“You’re good with him,” I said.

“Thanks.”

“You hold him a lot.”

“Someone has to.”

“I take it Kayla and Callum don’t?”

“Mom does sometimes,” Lance said. “But I don’t think I’ve ever seen Callum hold him once.”

“Yeah, yeah that makes sense,” I said, putting my hands on my knees and pressing my fingers tight against them. God, he was gonna do it again, wasn’t he? He was gonna get what he wanted and then up and leave another family in the wake, except this time he had a wife who was more than happy to cosign all his bullshit. 

“Here,” Lance said, offering me the baby.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s okay. You seem… You seem trustworthy,” he said. I wondered if the kid ever smiled. 

I took the baby, holding him in my arms and supporting his head. “I never thought about having younger siblings,” I said softly. “But I’m glad that I do. This… The three of us here… It feels good. I like being a big sister. And I know this must be weird for you, but I hope you’ll accept me as one.”

“I… I do,” Lance said. “Though I worry I might not be what you want in a little brother.”

“I just told you I have no expectations whatsoever, for Michael or for you, Lance.”

He grimaced, face twisting with irritation and… And something else. Something I recognized from seeing it in the mirror.

“What’s with the face?” I said. It couldn’t be. I mean, what were the odds?

“I made a face?”

“Uh, yeah, as soon as I said your name.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“I mean… It’s a terrible name,” Lance said. 

“I think it’s fine.”

“I don’t.”

“Is there something you’d rather be called?”

“I…”

“It’s okay if you don’t have an answer just yet,” I said. “It can take time to realize… Who you want to be. And who you’ve always been.”

“I think that maybe I…”

“That you…?”

“Sometimes, when I’m taking care of Michael, when I’m holding him or pushing him in his stroller or bottle-feeding him or… God even changing his diapers… I like to pretend that… That I… That I’m…”

“His mother?” I said, sotto vocce. 

Guilt and shame and embarrassment and relief twisted his… Twisted her face. It was another look I knew all too well. An emotional concoction I’d experienced many a time.  

“Eve,” she whispered. “That… That’s what I’d like to be called. If that’s okay?”

“Of course it’s okay, Eve,” I said. 

And for the first time, I saw her smile. “Thank you.”

I scooted a bit closer to her. “Just so you know, I have no expectations for a little sister, either. But I’m glad I have one.”

She gulped, and her eyes welled up, and her hands were shaking, but her smile didn’t die. “Thank you. Sis.”

“No problem, sis,” I said. “If you don’t mind my asking… Why haven’t you told Kayla and Callum? They’re… Well, they’re not exactly great people, but at least so far they’ve been supportive of me.”

“I only realized… I only started thinking I might be… Like this when we all saw you on the internet,” Eve said. “Callum didn’t react very well at first, and Mom managed to talk him down, but she also kept saying how you would need an ‘image makeover’, how you would need to pass better if you were gonna appear at campaign fundraisers and photo ops and everything. How you weren’t… You weren’t good enough yet, but by the time she got done with you, you would be. And I heard them say all that while all I could think of was that you looked so damn pretty and I got jealous but… I also got scared. Because I’m already not what they want, so this would just be another thing, another way in which I’m disappointing her, and… It scared me. I’m so fucking scared, Samantha.”

I grimaced, then scooted even closer to her. “First of all, that explains a lot. Like, a lot. I figured that was what Callum wanted to ask me about, what I could do for him.”

“And that’s why I can’t… I can’t tell them,” Eve said. “They either won’t let me be me or if they do… They’ll only allow it on their terms. I’m still just a kid, and I… I can’t just be a girl.”

“Yeah, you can,” I said. 

“It’s not that simple.”

“It is, though. Wanna know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you already are a girl,” I said gently. “That we’re having this conversation, that’s your proof right there. They can’t take that from you, no matter how hard they try. And even if your mom or if Callum tries to micromanage and sanitize your transition, if that’s something you want to pursue, you still get final say. Because you get to decide who you want to be. No matter what.”

The tears started in earnest, then. 

“Thank you,” she choked out. 

“Do you… Maybe wanna come hang out with Eli and I tonight at the shop?” I said. “My friend Bethany will probably be there too- she’s trans like me- and I think it might be a good experience for you.”

“D-do you have any clothes I could maybe try on?” Eve said breaths. 

“Yeah, sis,” I nodded. “I’m a bit… Bigger than you so it might not fit, but I can have Bethany bring a few things as well.”

And then, completely unprompted, she hugged me. She took care not to disturb Michael as he slept, but she still wrapped her arms around me. 

I really had a little sister. Holy shit. 

The front door opened, and Callum and Kayla Rochester entered the proverbial chat. 

“Oh, well this is a lovely surprise,” Kayla said, looking as immaculately feminine as ever. “Samantha dear, how are you today?”
 I looked at my baby brother in my arms, and my secret sister at my side, and I said, “I’m doing pretty well, thanks for asking.”

“That’s good, because there’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” Callum said. Right down to business like usual. That was just like him. People did change, but… Sometimes they got worse instead of better. 

“Lay it on me,” I said. 

“I’ll be announcing my candidacy for mayor of our fine city in two months,” Callum said. “And I’ll be running on a platform of combining traditional family values with progressive social ones. Having you at my side would be a great help with that. But I need a few things from you during that. I’ll need you to call me ‘Dad.’ And I’ll need you to omit any references to my… Absence during your teenage years.”

On instinct, I balled my fists. This asshole wanted to sweep everything he’d done under the rug, pretend like he was father of the year while he mugged for the camera. It burned me up inside… But I had to say yes. It was the only way Paul would live. “Okay.”

“You’ll also need to start dressing a lot more appropriately,” Kayla added. “More of the clothes I’ve generously gifted you and less of… This,” she gestured at my black and blood-red tank top and pleated black leather miniskirt combination. The skull-choker probably as well. 

I gritted my teeth but nodded. I was doing this for Paul. “So, you’ll write the check then? Because Paul’s operation is supposed to happen in a few weeks.”

“Right down to business,” Callum smiled. “That’s my girl.”

He said that, and it made me want to die. But as he pulled out his checkbook and a pen, I kept gritting my teeth and forcing myself to smile. This wasn’t selling my soul, but it was probably mortgaging it. At least a little. 

“Thank you,” I said as I collected the check from him and put it in my purse. “Also, I was wondering if… Lance could come hang out with Eli and I tonight at the shop. He… And I haven’t gotten to spend a lot of time together, but I’d really like to get to know my sibling.”

“He’s not really your sibling, you know?” Callum said, looking incredibly confused.

“I think that’s a lovely idea,” Kayla said. 

I looked back at Eve and I winked. “Good.”

I walked out of Callum’s house with a check in my purse and strings attached to my heart, but also with a renewed hope and my younger sister soon to be at my side. If I could get through this, if Paul could get through this, if Eve and Michael could get through this… Maybe it would be worth it in the end. 

Eli

Reggie and I struggled through the Wednesday night rush. Bethany’s latest promotional efforts had been helping us, and the Chamber of Commerce meetings I’d been attending on my off-days were letting me further our marketing in local publications and business owners’ associations as well. I’d even applied for a tax break on the property (with Paul’s permission, obviously). All of that was good, very good, especially as Summer started to get closer. But the rush we’d gotten that night was just insane, and I was starting to feel it. And I still had an essay to write for class, and exams to start studying for… 

It was a lot. But I hadn’t had another panic attack in over a week, so I considered that progress.

I leaned against the back wall after closing my fifteenth sale of the night, heaving a loud sigh of exhaustion while waiting for Reggie to get back from his ten-minute break. The crowd still had a decent number of patrons, mostly older middle-age collectors combing through our back issues, guys who’d known Paul for years on end. It was nice to see, honestly. 

Less nice was Reggie’s thousand-yard stare as he walked back to the front desk and stood next to me like he was hoping he would stop existing if he just concentrated hard enough. 

“Uh… What’s with you?” I said. 

“My girlfriend dumped me,” he said, his voice hollow as a balloon. 

“What?!” I exclaimed. “When did this happened?!”

“Ten minutes ago,” Reggie said, visibly on the verge of tears. 

“So… Literally just now?”.

“Yeah,” he choked. “I called her just to say hi, and she told me it was over.”

“Did… Did she at least tell you why?”

“Her parents.”

“Oh, hell.”

“Yeah. They found out about me and they freaked out… And she said it made her realize this was a bad idea,” Reggie said.

“Christ, man, I’m so sorry,” I said, patting him on the shoulder. “Are you… Do you wanna go home early?”

“No,” Reggie said, shoulders slumped. “I need… I need to get my mind off of things. I need to focus on work. Otherwise I’ll… I dunno. But if I go home, my parents will figure out something is wrong, and I won’t be able to keep the truth bottled up, and… And they won’t be happy with me.”

“Okay,” I nodded. “Uh… Samantha and Bethany and Kelsey are supposed to hang out upstairs with me after we close. You, uh, maybe wanna join us? Maybe sample some of that whiskey I didn’t let you try last time?”

“God, yes,” he sighed. 

I patted him on the shoulder one more time. “I should warn you that it’ll be the first time Bethany and Kelsey have hung out outside of work since everything happened back in December. It might be awkward.”

“That’s fine,” Reggie said. 

“Cool. Look, I’m sure this hurts like hell. But you’ll get through it.”

“Thanks.”

“And if she wasn’t willing to struggle for it with you, then maybe she wasn’t worth it.”

“I… I… Yeah, that makes sense. Still fucking hurts, though.”

“I know,” he said. “Thanks.”

“Sure thing, buddy.”

I powered through the exhaustion and took point on sales after that, and as closing time came into view, I let Reggie start taking inventory a little early. 

The door swung open, and the bell rang, and four girls walked inside. Samantha, Bethany, Kelsey, and… And another girl, one with shaggy blondish hair held back by butterfly clips, clad in one of Bethany’s less slutty pink sundresses, makeup delicately painted onto her face. It took me a second, but I started to recognize Samantha’s step-brother… Or maybe that was her step-sister. 

My eyes briefly flickered to the side, whereupon I found Reggie… No longer looking like he was distraught or devastated at all. Rather, his jaw was on the floor and his eyes were colored with blatant attraction as he gaped at… 

Samantha’s step-sister.

Huh. The Lord giveth, I suppose.

“Eli, Reggie,” Samantha said, smiling as she sauntered towards us in her leather miniskirt and black tank top combination, paired with black lipstick and dark eyeshadow (it was a potent combination, and one I would greatly enjoy tearing off of her when we got home that night). “My step-sister, Eve, will be hanging out with us tonight.”

“Cool!” I beamed. “The more the merrier! Reggie is gonna hang out with us too!”

I looked at the young man, his jaw still slack and his gaze still burning with teenage lust. 

“Um… hi,” Eve said, attempting to pitch up her voice with… less than stellar results. Eh, she’d get there- with Samantha and Bethany as teachers the sky was the limit. “It’s nice to see you again, Eli. And it’s nice to meet you, Reggie.”

I swatted Reggie on the arm and said, “Reg, this is the part where you introduce yourself to the little lady.”

“Right!” Reggie said, his voice cracking as he said it. “Hello, I’m Reginald. It’s nice to meet you!”

He fervently offered a hand for shaking, and after a few moments of blinking, Eve actually cracked a smile and shook it. “Reginald,” she giggled. “I like that. It suits you.”

“And Eve suits you!” He said.

“Slow your roll, sparky,” I said. 

 “But- I- I wasn’t-“

“He’s messing with you, Reg,” Samantha said gently. “Now come on, let’s go upstairs. It’s whisky o’clock somewhere, and by somewhere I mean here.”

“Amen to that!” Kelsey exclaimed as she and Bethany walked close together, hands awkwardly tracing the edges of each other. The two of them led the way upstairs, Reggie and Eve nervously following close behind.

I stopped Samantha as she neared the stairs. “So, Eve?”

“I just found out. Sorry for springing it on you.”

“It’s no big deal, though Reggie got dumped a few hours ago so we might need to stop him from embarrassing himself trying to rebound.”

“Duly noted,” Samantha said. “Also, Kelsey and Bethany were super awkward on the ride over, and I think we might need to lock them in the closet until they make up.”

I laughed. “You’re a diabolical woman, Samantha Kendrick.”

“It’s true, I am.”

“How are you feeling?” I asked.

“I… am very tired, but I think maybe I’m starting to get back to some kind of equilibrium.”

“Good,” I kissed her cheek. “I think I am as well.” I squeezed her hand. “You got the check?”

“I did. I’ll tell you about what it cost in the morning, though. Tonight … tonight I’d really just love to get drunk with my friends and then get frisky with the man I love.”

“I think that can be arranged,” I said, kissing her on the mouth, slipping in a hint of tongue. She returned it gratefully and greedily, and I started running my hand through her midnight hair-

“Yo, lovebirds! Get your asses up here! We can’t find the hootch!” Kelsey shouted from atop the stairwell.

Our lips parted with the utmost reluctance, and we grinned at each other before running up the stairs hand in hand.