A Dream of Summer Rain: Bathed in Flames, We Held the Brand (Chapter 41)
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Track List: “Savior” by Rise Against
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E94gZve8rU
***
Two days perished before Isabella left the castle. She occupied herself with staring at walls and thumbing through books she couldn’t read. Eventually, the walls became so familiar as to be distracting, so she left in search of new sights to dissociate to.
Isabella walked and walked and walked with the Arctic Fox at her side. The cold shores of the Pale came into view, and Isabella had never thought she’d be so glad to see the place. Two people stood on the beach, talking. One of them looked familiar, the other did not. The unfamiliar one vanished as Isabella approached.
No, no please, it can’t be. “Lacy?” Isabella asked, afraid to find out.
“Isabella?” the other girl turned around, and Isabella saw her eyes were Lacy’s eyes. “You’re here! Oh thank God- I thought I’d never see you again.” She paused, then looked Isabella up and down. “What are you wearing?”
Isabella looked down and saw her clothes had changed to a golden armor, encasing her in a heavy mass of shining metal that pressed heavily against the frosted sand. She was back in this place, this cursed place, one again, but she wore shielding over all her body below the neck. Only her helm was missing. She even had a proper scabbard for World-Carver. Snowflakes twirled around her like she had her own gravity. And Lacy was coming into orbit around her, stopping a few feet short. Her joy at the sight of Isabella had ruptured into an informed panic- she knew why Isabella was wearing the armor, for whatever reason, and however that was.
“I don’t know,” Isabella said. “I really don’t know. But I’m getting the sense that you do, Lacy.” Lacy took another step forward. She was only wearing a blouse and skirt, and no shoes, yet somehow didn’t seem cold. “Stay back,” Isabelle said, putting a hand on World-Carver’s pommel. Lacy was pissed at her, and rightfully so, and she was very unafraid to act on that. Isabella had to defend herself. And maybe, maybe if she went through with it this time… Maybe she could go home again.
Lacy’s hands shot up above her head. “Hey, hey- what’s this now? What are you doing?”
“Depends. What are you doing?”
“I was gonna… Well, I was gonna give you a hug,” Lacy said, breaking off eye-contact.
The war drums of her pulse achieved new levels of volume and intensity. No way- there’s no way. And besides, I have to do this. I HAVE TO. “Sure. Sure sure sure sure. But first I need to ask you: how and why are you here?”
“Well, this is gonna seem like a lot, but I’m trapped in a dream, and because of some magic bullshit I’m being projected here, but I’m not really ‘here’ in the traditional sense.”
“If you’re not actually here right now, how were you gonna hug me?”
Lacy put a finger under her chin and considered that.
God… Goddammit, Lacy. Isabella poked her just below the ribs. Solid. Which meant if necessary, Isabella could in fact kill her. Except Lacy giggled when Isabella poked her, which was in no way endearing whatsoever. Not at all, how dare anyone suggest such a thing. “So if you’re not really here right now, how are you here right now?” Isabella asked.
“How are you here right now?”
“Answer my question first.”
“Well, according to Drew… Long story, but because of the specific way my Star interacts with the Liminal Void and the tendency of dreams to literally come true here, I’ve been transported here and made solid even though my body is back in a cell in Michigan. Also, I know it’s throwing a lot at you, and sorry if I’m not explaining this great, but I’ve had a pretty stressful couple of weeks. My heart actually stopped while I was fighting Alistair because I overexerted myself. It was crazy- I literally died for five whole seconds, and it finally made me realize I don’t actually wanna die, I wanna live. Also, I’m really, really sorry for what I said to you the last time we spoke. I was in a bad place, which is no excuse, but it’s the best I’ve got. I’m sorry.”
Lacy inched towards her.
“Stay back! Stay! Back!” Isabella said, skidding backwards in the sand drawing World-Carver, hands shaking, brain half in the fog of dissociation, heart screaming at her. The fox mewled, then darted off down the beach, vanishing like a snowflake onto a wintery field.
Lacy obliged, sliding back three paces. “Please tell me what’s happened to you.”
It can’t possibly be that simple. But… She wasn’t willing to hear it before. And now she is. Maybe… Maybe we can talk this out.
Breathing heavily, Isabella told Lacy the truth of the first time she came to the Pale, and to what she’d agreed to find her way home. And how backing out meant getting sent back here. “And that means the only way home for me… The only way I can finally be rid of this damned place… Is if I kill you.”
Lacy stood there, unaffected by the cold and the snow, as the empty night swirled around her. “You’re not the Chosen One.”
“I know that!”
“Do you? In my dreams, when I see this place, there’s a knight who wears armor like what you’re wearing. They’ve got a blue Star like mine. Even if that is you… Where’s your Star?”
“I… I don’t have one.”
“Then how can you be the Chosen One- they’re meant to have a Star exactly like mine; something to equal mine in raw power. And if you’re not the Chosen One, you’re not meant to kill me.”
“I don’t… I don’t have a Destiny. But it’s my only way home. I have no choice.”
“You’re wrong,” Lacy said. “There’s always a choice. It’s my choice whether or not to bring down the walls and help end the world, and I won’t. That’s not who I want to be- we can both be who we want!”
“And who is it that you want to be?” Isabella said, incredulous.
“I’ve been thinking about that a lot,” Lacy said. “I’ve spent my whole life running from who I thought I was supposed to be: from my deadname, from my hometown, from my family, and from my Destiny. From everything that says I’m supposed to be a bad person. But fuck that- the world’s already full of bad people, it doesn’t need another. So instead, I’m gonna be a hero. I’m gonna stop Alistair. I’m gonna stop the Sovereignty. And I’m gonna stop the elves. And I’m not gonna kill Danny- if I did that, I’d be crossing a line. That wouldn’t be saving anyone, and it wouldn’t be justice, it’d just be murder. And while I’m at it, I’m gonna get you home.”
“Why? I hurt you. How can you want to help me?”
“Because heroes rescue beautiful women in trouble,” Lacy said simply.
Isabella’s wide-eyed rage began to relax, and lowered the sword but did not sheath it. Lacy gave her the gentlest, most sincere smile she’d ever seen, and a part of Isabella went warm and flush. She really was a lovely girl, this one.
There was no way Isabella could bring herself to kill her, even to get herself home.
“Let me help you,” Lacy said, closing the gap to mere inches.
“Okay,” Isabella said, tears streaming down her face. “Okay. I believe you.”
“I don’t,” a voice stretched over the dark sky of the island. It was familiar- for a moment, Isabella thought Lacy had said it without moving her lips. But it wasn’t quite Lacy’s voice- it was higher, squeakier, shriller. The Other One.
“Oh Goddammit,” Lacy said.
Isabella’s eyes tore around her, looking for the source. She swung World-Carver rapidly and wildly, in search of something to destroy so that this could finally be over. But she couldn’t find the Other One anywhere.
“I don’t believe you one bit!” the Other One said.
“Where the hell are you?!” Isabella said. The Other One had to be who she was supposed to kill- this was it, her purpose was to save Lacy from herself, from her own darkness, by killing it for her. All she had to do was find it! That was the workaround! That was what got her home!
“Isabella, hold still,” Lacy said.
“What?!”
“Just hold still a second! She’s behind you. She’s always been right behind you!”
Isabella stopped, the Castle of Midnight at her back. Lacy lunged a hand over her shoulder, and for a moment Isabella flinched.
At which point Lacy circumvented her and collided into another body.
Isabella blinked, then pivoted and faced the strangest fracas she’d ever seen. Lacy fought the Other One, not with magic, purely with hand and fist. Their differing clothes made it possible to track the fight: Lacy in her blouse and skirt, the Other One in chainmail and leggings. They fought… And Lacy was winning.The Other One’s movements were slow, bulky, uncoordinated, while Lacy moved with an almost weightless grace and an utterly furious precision. She brought the Other One to the ground and pinned her there, and slowly, Isabella walked over to them.
“You’ll never be free of me!” the Other One said. “I’m your Shadow! I’ll always be right behind you. Watching. Waiting to take over.”
“I know,” Lacy said. “You’re everything I’m afraid I could be. But I’m not you. And you’re not me, or at least you’re not all of me. You’re just my fear and my shame. I judge everyone, even when it’s not fair, and you’re how I judge myself. And I think it’s time I started forgiving myself.”
Lacy pulled the Other One off the ground and wrapped her in a tight embrace.
“No. No!” the Other One cried as she shattered into glass dust and flowed into Lacy. It settled over her heart, poured inside her as Lacy breathed it in.
Lacy groaned, stretched her arms, and then sat down on the ground and looked up at the alien sky. “That felt weird. Good-weird, but still weird.”
“So, uh,” Isabella said, “What just happened?”
“I just worked through some personal stuff. Somewhat literally.”
“I… See.”
“Has she been following you?”
“Something like that,” Isabella replied.
“Well I’m sorry about that. Hopefully she’ll leave you alone from now on. I showed her what-for,” Lacy said as she punched at the air a few times.
Isabella smiled in spite of herself. Lacy really was someone who wanted more than anything to be a good person. She’d only talked herself into thinking otherwise because she’d been hurt so badly. Just like me, Isabella realized.
And she really was… Quite cute.
“So now what?” Lacy asked.
“Uh… I was kinda hoping you knew that,” Isabella said as she sat down in the snow next to Lacy. “I’m still stuck here. And you’re still in a coma.”
“That’s true. But ultimately I’m just under a spell. I should be able to break out of it… Somehow. Though, I gotta admit that one’s outta my wheelhouse.”
“Mine too,” Isabella said. “Although… Hold on. There’s something that might work: World-Carver’s portals can’t take me from here back to earth, but maybe they can do that for you. Send you back to your body and wake you up.”
“Do you think it’ll work?”
“No idea. But it’s worth a shot. Like you said, the rules are different here.”
“But what about you? How will you get back?”
“I don’t know yet. But one of us will figure it out. I have faith,” Isabella said. Okay, now say something cool. “And when I get back, I expect you to be waiting for me.” Oh dammit that was lame.
Lacy blushed furiously. Did… Did that actually work? Was that smooth? Was I just smooth?! Isabella thought. Holy shit, I was smooth!
“Sounds good to me. So come back to me quick, okay beautiful?” Lacy said.
Now it was Isabella’s turn to blush. She couldn’t form words due to the lump of shock and squee in her throat, so instead she just nodded furiously.
Lacy stood up, and offered Isabella a hand, which she took. “I’m sorry I almost tried to kill you,” Isabella said. “I don’t expect you to-”
“I forgive you,” Lacy said.
“But… But how?” Isabella asked.
“Because people do desperate things when they’re backed into corners. You wanted out of the dark, and you’d do anything to get there. I spent my whole life hiding in the dark, and part of me honestly admires you for wanting to be free of it instead. And also… Forgiveness has to start somewhere. Why not here?
And in that moment, from this person, that was the most wonderful thing Isabella had ever heard. She embraced her, wrapping her arms tightly around the girl, drinking in her gentle warmth and her sweet scent. It was a moment. It was an eternity. It was the best of both.
And then, finally, Isabella drew World-Carver and cut a portal into the air.
“I’ll see you on the other side,” Lacy said. And she went through, and the portal closed behind her.
And once again, Isabella was alone and stranded in the Pale.
But not for long this time: a horn honked in the night, and Isabella turned to see a locomotive driving over the beach and heading her way. It parked right in front of her while she rubbed her eyes, making sure nothing was in them.
The door opened, and Harry was the driver. He sat behind the wheel, still wearing his San Francisco Giants cap and dark sunglasses, still smoking his cigarillo. His whittling sticks were strewn about the compartment. “Need a ride?” Harry said.
“Um… Yeah. What the fuck are you doing here?”
“I told you, I needed the train for something. This was what I needed it for.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“Yes it does. I’ll explain on the way. Come on, you’ve gotta see about a girl.”
Exhaling, Isabella stepped onto the train.
The fox was already sitting in one of the seats, jumping out and coming over to her, squealing happily. Isabella sat down and picked the fox up, set it on her lap and petted it while Harry began to drive out into the Liminal Void.