Saw You From Across the Bar

Then

Kelly

“I don’t think this is working anymore,” Natalie said while we sat together, atop the hood of her car and beneath the night sky.

“Uh… What?” I said, my heart practically exploding inside my chest. No, no this couldn’t be happening. Not now, not tonight, not right when I’d been about to tell her-

“I just… I’m not sure we’re meant for anything long term,” Natalie said.

Senior prom was behind us, graduation and college ahead of us. We’d come here, to our favorite spot atop the cliff that overlooked the small lake in our town. We’d had a fun time at the dance, or at least I thought we’d had a fun time. And we’d had fun together these past few years. Or at least I thought we had. 

And I’d been just about to tell her. 

“Natlie,” I started, “Y-you can’t be serious. We’re… We love each other!”

“I know,” Natalie said. “But Cameron… I’m not sure I love you in the way you love me.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, flinching at the sound of my deadname. I’d planned the whole thing out- I’d given my girlfriend since freshman year a magical night at prom before I told her I was a trans girl. She was supposed to be the first person I told, the first person who called me by my new name. 

“I… I think I’m a lesbian, Cam,” Natalie said. 

I flinched. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Natalie said. 

I suppose that made sense- her whole lazy tomboy vibe, her playing field hockey all four years, her constant comments on female celebrities and how hot they were. And the fact that of all guys, she’d wound up with me… And I was really a girl. 

But if that was true, it wouldn’t be a problem. Right? So I could just tell her, and it would be fine, we could keep doing our original plan of going long distance while I went to community college and she went to the state university. 

All I had to do was tell her. “Well, the thing about that is-”

“Cam, please, don’t,” she said, her eyes watering as we sat beneath the light of the crescent moon and a sky full of stars. “This is hard enough already. You’re a really sweet guy, but you can’t convince me to be with you.”

“No, but-”

“Please just stop!” she said, the tears coming freely. 

Tell her tell her tell her tell her-

But as she looked at me, crying, shoulders slumped, face twisted with guilt and shame and self-loathing… The words caught in my throat. 

I couldn’t do it. She probably wouldn’t believe me if I told her. She’d probably think I was faking it so she wouldn’t dump me. 

This was over. We were over. 

“Okay,” I said, my chest hollow and my mind screaming. “Okay. Then I’ll let you go.”

“Thank you,” she sobbed. “You’re… You’re a really good guy, Cameron. If I only ever had one boyfriend, I’m glad it was you.”
The words were like knives to my chest, every one of them bleeding me a little more. ‘Boyfriend’ and ‘guy’ and ‘Cameron’- none of that was me. But to her, it was me. That was all I’d ever been. That was all I’d ever be.

“Yeah,” I said, nervously tucking a strand of my shaggy hair behind my ears as my heart was ripped out of my chest and set on fire. “Can you… Can you take me home now, please?”

“Of course,” Natalie said. 

As we climbed back into the car, I told myself it was easier this way. Long distance relationships, from all I’d heard, all I’d read, all I’d seen, were a complete nightmare, and most high school relationships did not survive the transition to college. 

And most relationships didn’t survive… Transition, either. 

This was for the best. 

My now ex-girlfriend started the car and backed us up. “Hey. You’re gonna make some girl very happy one day, Cameron,” she said. 

I know how she meant it, but… God, it still fucking hurt. 

Now

Natalie

“Hi there,” I said, attempting to bat my eyelashes at the pretty girl in front of me. Okay, Nat, you can do this. You’ve spent years preparing for this. If she says no, you walk away and try again when an opportunity presents itself. Now. Just say the words. “My boyfriend and I saw you from across the bar and we both said ‘wow, that girl is absolutely stunning. We should invite her to have a drink with us.’ So what do you say, beautif… Wait a second, do we know each other?”

The girl with the shoulder-length raven hair and the big brown eyes looked at me with equal parts shock and panic. The apples of her olive cheeks flushed red beneath the dim lighting of the bar, matching her crimson lips and mid-thigh dress and stiletto heels. A golden choker with a heart emblem at the center wrapped around her neck. And that face… It was so familiar. A slight hint of razor burn showed through from beneath her foundation, but even still I felt woefully inadequate with my gray tank top and skinny jeans and short hair and bare face. 

“Uh…,” she squeaked, her voice low yet feminine. 

I blinked, a flood of memories washing over my mind. Times gone by, kisses stolen beneath the bleachers during high school gym class, sweet words whispered into my ear by a quiet, gentle boy I’d always felt guilty for betraying. Because that was what I did. The whole reason I’d broken up with him had been bullshit, so I’d broken his heart for nothing. 

Except… He might not have been a him at all, just to confuse the issue a little more. 

I sat next to this mysterious, familiar person at the bar. “Is that you, Camer-”

“Kelly!” she hurried out. “It’s Kelly now. But yeah, it is. Hi, Nat.”

“Okay,” I said, holding up my palms flat and outstretched. “Okay. Kelly it is. Pronouns?”

“She/her.”

“Okay,” I repeated, because it was all my stupid fucking brain could think of. “Sorry, I just… I didn’t know it was you until I came over here-”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that,” Kelly said with a nervous chuckle. “Are… Are you here unicorn hunting?”

I gulped, my hands bunching together. “I wouldn’t put it exactly like that-”

“I thought you were a lesbian,” she said, her eyes narrowing and her head tilting in confusion. The music emanating from the speakers shifted from an upbeat pop song to an angsty breakup number with low bass tones. How fitting. 

“I… Also thought that,” I said, shame clawing at my stomach lining. 

“So what changed exactly?” 

“I mean… I could ask you the same question,” I said, gesturing at her everything. Ugh, why did I say that? So lame!

“I… Well, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out why I felt fundamentally uncomfortable with myself, and eventually… Came to the conclusion you see before you,” Kelly said, also gesturing at her everything. 

“That makes sense,” I nodded. “Um… For me it was more… Complicated…”

“Is everything alright?” the booming baritone of my boyfriend, Davis (bless his dumb redneck heart), sounded as he walked up to us. He was a broad-shouldered bear of a man, with shaggy black hair and a bushy beard, clad in red-checkered flannel and well-worn jeans his and work-boots. I’d told him to wear something nice, which for him meant tucking in his shirt and wearing a belt (not that I was complaining- I always found him hottest when he looked exactly like what he was, i.e. a lumberjack). 

I had no idea how this was about to go. 

“Everything is fine,” I choked out.

Kelly, for her part, was staring at Davis with eyes wider than dinner plates and her jaw on the floor. Huh. Okay, that was certainly unexpected. “Uh… Hi. I’m Kelly. I’m, well… I’m… I’m Natalie’s ex.”

She extended a hand for a shake, but Davis, being Davis, took her hand in his and brought his lips to it. He pressed a gentle kiss to her knuckles and drawled, “Charmed. Name’s Davis. If I may be so bold, I can’t imagine why Nat ever let a beautiful lady like yourself go.”

And Kelly… Giggled. Squirmed in her seat as the delightful sound escaped her mouth. Holy shit, she was fucking adorable. I mean… She always had been, in those little moments where her joy had escaped from all the angst and depression (which suddenly made a ton more sense). But this was… This was something else. 

Oh God, she was hot. With her long, toned legs and small but enticing bust and sharp jawline and cheekbones, she’d turned out a total babe. 

“Nat and I have been looking for a friend to bring home with us for a bit of fun,” Davis said. “Would you have any interest in something like that?”

I gulped again, my hands wringing together on my lap. Davis knew I was bi, and obviously he had no problem with that. He’d never pushed or pressured me into anything, never done anything to make me feel uncomfortable or objectified around my sexuality. Hell, I’d been the one to suggest going unicorn hunting (still hated that term) because I frankly had been missing the feeling of cupping a pair of boobs (yeah, I’m a pig, I know). But trans people had never come up. Fuck. How was he gonna-

“It… Might,” Kelly said, finger tracing the rim of her glass. I was pretty sure that was just a Shirley Temple, mind you, but it was still hot watching her do that with her long, red-painted nails. God, I’d never had nails like that. I’d always chewed mine off before they could get long enough to do anything with. 

Fuck, was she prettier than me? She was prettier than me! I didn’t know whether to be jealous or turned on. 

“Fantastic!” Davis said, clapping his hands together, hunger plain to see on his ruggedly handsome face. “Why don’t you come back to our booth so we can get to know each other a little better, see where the night takes us?”

Kelly’s teeth worried her lower lip, like she was considering something. Oh, God, she was gonna tell him. Right then and there, in the middle of this dive bar in West Virginia. And my loveable hayseed of a boyfriend would show a side of himself I wouldn’t be able to unsee, and it would all fall apart, and-

“You should probably be aware of something first,” Kelly said. 

Oh, God. 

“What’s that, gorgeous?” he replied, blatantly undressing her with his eyes (not that I can blame him).

“I’m… Well, I’m… When Natalie and I were together, the word she used to describe me wasn’t ‘girlfriend.’ It was ‘boyfriend.’”

I held my breath. 

Davis blinked. 

Kelly’s hands bunched the hem of her dress. 

Then, just as fast as it had disappeared, that good-natured, goofy smile that had made me fall for Davis in the first place returned. “Okay,” he said. 

My jaw dropped. Kelly’s eyes bulged even wider than they had when she was checking him out. “That’s… That’s not a problem for you?” 

“I mean… You’re a girl, right?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. 

“Then why would it be a problem?” Davis said, completely seriously, and perhaps a little perplexed. 

“Uh… Uh…”

I laughed. It was the only thing I could do. I put my arm around my boyfriend’s waist and said, “What can I say, I wrangled a good one. So, wanna have some fun with us?”

“If… If you’ll have me, yeah, I’d love to,” Kelly said. 

“Cool,” I said. “Like the big guy put it, let’s just go back to our booth. See where the night takes us.”

I extended a hand, and to my delight, she took it. And she came with us. 

Eventually

Davis

I wiped the sweat from my brow with the sleeve of my red flannel shirt as I knocked off for the day. Felling, tagging, and replanting trees was the kind of honest living I’d always dreamt of growing up. Kept me in shape, kept me outdoors, kept humble. As I put my hardhat and my vest back into my locker, I retrieved two very precious objects: my wedding rings. One for each hand. It wasn’t official, sure; I was technically only married to Natalie, sure, but… That didn’t matter to me. I’d sworn myself to both of them in the eyes of God, and as far as I was concerned that made us all married. 

I kept it on the down-low at work, at Kelly’s request, but sometimes… Sometimes I wanted to climb the tallest tree I could find and scream it from the top of my lungs: I was with the two greatest women in the world. 

I picked up a sixer on the way home, and when I drove up to our house, I cracked a smile. I parked my truck out front as I walked into our farmhouse, and found Kelly stirring a pot in our rustic kitchen. She wore a solid navy blue house-dress with a short skirt that gave me a spectacular view of her legs. 

I wafted the scent of her cooking as I walked up and put my hands on her hips and my lips on her neck. “Hello,” I breathed into her ear. 

She giggled, putting a hand on my cheek and her own lips on mine. “Hi.”

“What’s for dinner?”

“Pesto pasta with turkey sausage.”

“Excellent,” I said, putting my chin atop her head and my arms across her belly. 

“Nat’s out in the field, showing our new farmer the works,” Kelly said. “Mind going to get them? Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”

“Yes ma’am,” I said, giving her one last kiss before I headed towards our back door. 

I stepped out onto the back porch and looked out at our amber fields of grain. The wheat metronomed with the gentle breeze, parting and revealing my other two favorite people: 

Natalie had grown her dirty blonde hair out a bit. Not as long as Kelly’s, but down to her collar and pinned back with clips. A sunhat covered her head, and she wore overalls and boots as she gave our newest farmer the guided tour. 

Our daughter, Libby, followed her mama everywhere she went. She had my black hair and Natalie’s blue eyes and, by some wonderful bit of kismet, Kelly’s endlessly sweet personality. All of four years old, coming up just past Nat’s knees, she was practically bouncing as her mother explained crop rotation to her. 

I waved hello, and Natalie beamed as she scooped up Libby into her muscular arms and walked over to me. She stood on her tip-toes as she kissed me, still holding a giggling Libby in her arms as I held both of them tight. 

“How was work?” she asked. 

“Oh, the usual,” I said as she set Libby down and gestured for her to go inside and wash her hands. “Knocked down some trees, planted some saplings. How’s the farm?”

“This year’s grain harvest will be our biggest one yet,” Natalie said, tucking her hand into the back pocket of my jeans. “Plenty to sell and plenty leftover.”

“Kelly must be happy about that.”

“Oh yeah, she was telling me at lunch about all the pasta she’s gonna make.”

“Excellent,” I said as we walked inside together. 

We found Libby already at the table, staring at her plate of pasta and clearly fighting off the urge to dig in right away. 

Natalie trotted up and planted a kiss on Kelly’s mouth while she was putting down our plates. “Well hello there,” Kelly said. “What was that for?”

“Just wanted to kiss the cook,” Natalie said. 

“Hmmm, well alright then,” Kelly said, kissing her again. 

I just smiled at my wives while I sat down at the end of the table, Libby on the right-hand side while Natalie sat on my left and Kelly at the other end as she finished serving us. 

We all joined hands as I led us in Grace, and as I crossed myself to end it, I noticed Kelly tearing up a bit. 

“What’s wrong, love?” Natalie asked. 

“Are you okay, Mommy?” Libby asked. 

“Yeah, what’s going on, gorgeous?” I said. 

“Nothing, I’m just… Just happy,” Kelly said. “Never thought this would be my future.”

“Me neither,” Natalie sighed affectionately.

“Well I did,” I said with a grin. 

“Is that so?” Kelly giggled. 

“Heck yeah,” I said. “Knew from the second Nat and I saw you from across the bar.”

Natalie shot me a playful smile and nodded, while Kelly just kept giggling. Libby, for her part, kept looking at the three of us and at her food. 

“Now then,” I said. “We all worked hard today. Time to eat.”

“Amen to that,” Kelly said. “And just so everyone here knows, I love all y’all.”

“Love you too, gorgeous,” I said. 

“Same,” Nat said. 

Libby said something, presumably about loving her three parents, through a mouthful of food. She’d already inhaled half her plate. 

Seemed as good a cue as any to dig in. 

It hadn’t been easy, and the road to this future had been long and winding for all of us, but we were here now. And life was good.