A Beginner's Guide to Gold Digging: Chapter 28

And at last, we have reached the final (regular) chapter! Been a long road, getting from there to here. The full book release will include a bonus epilogue (and I have something VERY ambitious planned for that), but for the time being, this is the end. Lily and Cris' story is one that means a lot to me, and while I'm reluctant to end it, to let them go, all good things must come to an end eventually. And besides, there's a third Beginner's Guide book already in the works, so who knows: maybe Lily and Cris (and Rose and Kyle, and Lavender, and perhaps that intriguing new boy Adam) will show up in it!

Thank you so much for reading BGG. Hope you're having a great day :)

A Beginner's Guide to Aftercare

Crispin

“So, how’s this work?” Lily asked. “Does one of us have to say the safeword to formally end the scene?”

“Yeah, as a general rule,” I said, my face buried in the crook of her neck, the sweat from our naked bodies slick against each other. 

“Well then… Kusangi-no-tsurugi.”

“God, you’re beautiful.” 

“No, you,” Lily giggled. 

“Well, yeah,” I snorted. 

And then, it was as if my stamina sprung a leak, all the pressure deflating from my body as a spike of shame started to pierce my stomach. 

Lily held me close, continuing to stroke my hair with one hand and run the other up and down my chest. “Hey, hey, where are you going?”

“Hm?”

“You’re drifting, babe,” Lily said. “Stay with me now. We’ve got some after-care to do.”

“You need it more than me.”

“We both need it. We can take turns,” Lily replied, kissing my temple. “Now please let me do this for you.”

I wanted to sink into a deep, dark place in my mind, fade into nothingness so the guilt didn’t crush me. But instead, I fought against my instincts, holding tight to Lily. I gripped her thigh, tracing my fingers over her mermaid tattoo. Maybe that’s what she was: the beautiful mermaid saving a foolish sailor from drowning after a storm knocked him off his boat and cast him into the deepest depths of the ocean. While I sank into the cold, dark abyss, she lifted me up and brought me back into the world above, letting me breathe in clean air as she held me tight. She’d never let me go. And I would never, ever let her go, not while my heart was still beating. 

“You’re a good person,” Lily whispered into my ear. “I promise you. The only reason I let you do all that to me is because I love you, because I respect you and because I know you respect me. I know you’re not That Guy. You’re My Guy. And I love you so damn much it hurts.”

“It hurts me too,” I whispered. 

“What does? How much I love you, or how much you love me?”

“The latter,” I said, pulled to the surface, to the fresh air and open sky atop the ocean. “And it always did. From the second I saw you, I was gone.”

“Why Crispin, I thought you didn’t believe in love at first sight?” she said, her chin settling atop my head. 

“I didn’t,” I said. “But maybe now I do? Because I can’t think of any other way to describe it. Especially after what we just did.”

“I think,” Lily said, “We just did something really powerful. I think we just reclaimed our first meeting. For ourselves. We cast aside everything we thought we were supposed to be.”

“And what was it that I thought I was supposed to be?” I asked, reaching under her back and stroking the tattoo at the lowest point: two wings and a halo, inked in shining gold. She hadn’t told anyone else about that one. Her exact words were ‘this one is only for my hubby.’

“Perfect,” she said. “You expect everyone to be perfect. Including yourself.”

“I’m… I’m working on it,” I whispered, as wrapped up in her as she was in me. 

“So therapy is going well?” she asked. 

“Very much so,” I nodded. 

“What did the good doctor think of all this?”

“She thought it was a great idea,” I said. “What about yours?”

“She was confused by it at first, but she came around pretty quick,” Lily said. “I think she’s just glad I’m finally happy.”

“And you are happy, right?”

She kissed the top of my head. “Happier than I’ve ever been.”

“What if… I can’t do that forever, though? Make you happy?”

“Babe, what did I just say about you not needing to be perfect?”

“... Point.”

“And what does your therapist say about it?”

“That it’s a toxic, unrealistic mindset stemming from grief over my mother and a fear of rejection leftover from adolescence, and that giving myself room to fail every once in a while is a sign of maturity,” I said, smiling in spite of myself as I quoted a recent session verbatim. 

“And?”

“And that while it’s good to have standards, holding myself and everyone else to impossibly high ones is fundamentally unhealthy,” I said, smile growing wider. 

“Good boy.” she said, kissing my cheek now and rubbing my shoulders. “How do you feel?”

“Exhausted. The drop after these things is always brutal.”

“I don’t know what you mean, I feel… Fine… OH.”

“Oh?”

She slumped over and laid flat next to me, turning her head to face me. “I just lost all my energy. Is that normal?”

“Sub-drop, yeah. Completely normal.”

“Is it normal to feel dirty?”

I reached for her, spooned her, kissing her forehead over and over again. “Normal, but not healthy. You’re a good person too, you know.”

“I just… Oh God, here it comes. Big wave of shame, oh God. Please tell me there’s nothing wrong with me?”

Our foreheads pressed together, my lips brushing hers. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, angel.”

“I feel like I could sleep for a month. And I’m starving. This is so weird.”

“You get used to it eventually,” I said as we both were rendered limp on the bed. “Somewhat. Good after-care helps though.”

“Am I doing it right?”

“You’re doing great. Now let me do the same for you,” I said, lips to her ears. “You are the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met. You are strong and intelligent and ferocious, and I admire and respect you. You don’t need anybody but yourself, but you want me, and that makes me the luckiest guy on the planet. You’re good enough. More than good enough. Perfect? No. Nobody is. But there’s nothing wrong with you whatsoever. You’re just a bi girl with a few kinks. Nothing to be ashamed of.”

She kissed me, then spoke into my mouth, “And you’re just a straight guy with a few kinks. Nothing to be ashamed of there, either.”

“Thank you,” I said, stealing one more kiss. 

The doorbell rang. 

“Pizza time?” Lily asked. 

“Should be. You bought the ice cream already, right?” I asked. 

“Big tub of coffee-oreo is sitting in the freezer,” she said, joining me in the incredible struggle to get out of bed when it felt like we’d just run a double-marathon. “I made brownies, too.”

“You made- I didn’t know you could bake.”

“Rose has been teaching me,” I said. “She calls them Stepford Wife lessons.”

“Ha! She would.”

I pulled her pink bathrobe from the hook on the door and helped her into it, and she helped me into my navy blue one. We clung to each other as we descended the stairs. I collected the barbeque chicken pizza from the delivery guy while Lily grinded weed-flower and prepared a pipe for us to share before dinner. I pre-heated the oven so the pizza could stay warm while we smoked, then lit a fire in the hearth. By the time I made it to the living room, the bowl was packed and the kief was sprinkled on top. 

Void sat on her lap, half-asleep while she stroked him. I sat down next to her, petting the bunny as well. The window above us was opened, letting in some cold, damp autumn air to cancel out the hot, smokey interior of the house. 

“Just remember to exhale out the window,” Lily said. “I don’t want Void doing a contact-high wake-and-bake.”

“Right, right,” I said, arm around her. “How would you feel about getting another pet? I feel like the boy here could use some company.”

“Just as long as it’s not an emu,” she laughed. “Or a mink. No murder-noodles or raptor-puppies, please.”

She put the pipe’s end in her mouth, and I lit it for her so she could take the greens. She inhaled deep, then breathed out and pointed towards the window. A puff of aromatic smoke drifted into the storm outside. I took a hit as well, the high settling into my weary body quickly. “Actually, I was thinking about another bunny. Let Void be a big bro.”

“I’m cool with that,” she said before taking another hit. “I can get some mom-practice in early.”

“You’re really going all in on that, huh?”

“Don’t I always? With everything?”

“Fuck yeah, you do,” I said, taking another hit. “It’s one of my favorite things about you. You don’t do half-measures.”

“Damn right,” she said, snapping her fingers before coughing a little bit. 

I rubbed a circle on her back. “You good?”

“I’m good,” she smiled. “And hey, guess what?”

“What?”

“I am gonna husband you up so fucking hard,” she grinned. “What do you say to that, douchebag?”

I breathed in a puff of weed, then gestured for her to do the same. I held the hit in my chest, then I kissed her and we breathed the smoke into each other while playing tonsil-hockey. 

When it was done, and we were both blushing and overjoyed and almost able to forget about the drop, I said, “Is that a clear enough answer for you, DiGiacomo?”

She responded, of course, by kissing me. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

 We smoked, and we ate, and we watched wrestling, and we snuggled on the couch as the sun set and the rain fell. And we had each other, and maybe neither of us was perfect, but dammit, this, us, right here right now: it was the best I’d ever had. And I had a funny feeling it was the best she’d ever had, too. The rain kept falling outside, watering Lily’s garden and mine as they grew together, side by side. Something new growing together out of the old. Something better than either had been before. Something not quite perfect, but absolutely beautiful in every way.