Chapter 39: The Cold-Hearted Boy I Used To Be

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And now, back to our regularly scheduled emotional devastation and abject nightmare fuel!

Track List: “All These Things That I’ve Done” by the Killers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZTpLvsYYHw

***

A lighthouse projected navy rays over the abyss of the Liminal Void. The island was solid underfoot, with sea grass and sand dunes. The sound of an incoming tide and the scent of saltwater and brine poured over everything in spite of the lack of an ocean, or any body of water, anywhere in sight. Lacy stood at the edge of the island, the lighthouse casting its glow at her back. She turned around to look into it, and found the silhouette of a pale giant bathed in golden light. “Hello, Lacy,” Alistair said.

“Alistair,” she replied. “This your wife’s doing?”

“Yes.”

“I see. Why are you doing this?”

“So that we can talk.”

“And what do we have to talk about, exactly?” Lacy said.

“You’ve piqued my curiosity. Your performance in our duel was most impressive. You have a way about you. A curious momentum. What is it that gives a wretched creature like you such confidence? Such pride?”

“Pride? Are you kidding me? I don’t have any pride, I hate myself.”

Alistair shook his head. “Lacy, you may fool others with that attitude of yours, but it won’t work on me. Only a spectacular force of ego would allow you to attempt the magic you unleashed upon me in our fight- nobody else would think themselves capable of it, which is why they cannot do it. Magic is about belief, Lacy, and so to do what you have done you have to believe in yourself quite a bit. More than most people would call healthy or rational.”

Lacy’s face twitched. She’d never thought of it like that.

“So tell me, where does it come from, this reckless arrogance of yours?”

“Well,” Lacy said, stepping forward, “I could ask you the same question. What gives you the ego necessary to think you can take over the world? To steal my Star, and countless others, to fuel your ambitions? Where the hell do you get off on that?”

“It is not a matter of ‘can’. It is a matter of ‘must.’ I do what I must.”

“Well then I guess we’ve got that in common,” Lacy said, the words tumbling out her mouth as soon they entered her brain. She tilted her head to the side, blinked, and said, “Huh.”

“Oh?”

“Maybe we have some more stuff in common,” she said, closing the gap by another step.

“I doubt that.”

“You spent your life hunting ghouls to avenge your family, and now you’ve become their king so you can take over the world. And I know why you’re doing that. The real reason.”

Alistair chuckled. “And why’s that?”

“The same reason that I’ve done everything that I’ve done in the past six months: so you don’t ever have to get hurt again,” Lacy said. “To prove your strength, to keep you safe. From the ghouls, from the elves, from the human race. And from your own family.”

Lacy took another step.

Alistair took a step back, inching closer to the lighthouse.

“How much did they hurt you to make you into this?” Lacy asked. The questions sparked in her mind like fireworks, the questions she asked herself every day and every night. “Did you love them? Did you even like them? Do you love anyone?”

Alistair raised his hand, as if to strike her across the face. Lacy flinched.

Alistair lowered his hand and smiled. “You’re right, Lacy. You and I are quite alike.”

Maybe some good could come of this- the odds were slim, but she had to at least try to reason with him. She’d tried everything else, so why not give this a go? “I wanna hear your side of this story. Tell it to me, and then I’ll tell you mine.”

Alistair stood in the light, and then gradually lowered himself into a sitting position on the ground. “Very well. I suppose if there’s any chance I can reason with you, this would help.”

Lacy winced.

Alistair began to speak. He bared his soul, telling her everything: about his parents, his sisters, his aunt, the King of the Ghouls, the Chosen One. And himself. And by the end of it, Lacy was sitting down as well, shaking in equal parts fear and empathy. She looked at him, and saw her reflection in his eyes. Saw his hands trembling.

“Never told anyone all that,” Alistair said. “I believe it’s your turn now.”

And so she told him her story, beginning with her parents, and with Drew, and with Danny, and with herself. Not sparing any detail, letting it all pour out like blood and puss from a raw wound. But as exhausted as she felt, she’d stopped shaking, and a sense of catharsis resonated in her chest. “Like I said, we’ve got a lot in common,” Lacy said.

“Yes,” said the King of the Ghouls- no, Gwen and Danny’s father- no.

Alistair. Just Alistair. Nothing more and nothing less. Just like her.

“You can’t keep doing this, man,” Lacy said. “It’s gotta stop somewhere. They’re gone. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

“I wish that were true,” Alistair said. “But to me they’re never gone. And they never will be. I wish it were as simple as letting go, but… I can’t.”

“Can’t, or won’t?” Lacy said.

He gave a sad chuckle. “Why not both?”

“Because it’s not right to take it out on the world. On people who don’t deserve it.”

“Whoever said they don’t deserve it?”

“Who said they do?” Lacy shot back. “You?”

“Yes,” he said.

“You’re not the moral arbiter of the human race, Alistair. Like you said to me, you can play that tune for everyone else, but I. Don’t. Buy it.”

He stood up. “Well I do. Though perhaps… I can allow the possibility that my understanding of morality is incomplete. Perhaps you can help me.”

Okay, this is good. Maybe it’s working. “How do you mean?”

“That together we’d have a more complete understanding of how the world should be! That together we could even make it a reality! Fix the world!”

FUCK! “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

He ran his hands through his hair, hurriedly walking around her in tight circles, hands still shaking. “Don’t you see, Lacy?! Don’t you UNDERSTAND?! We both know how the world truly works! We both know the true monstrosity of the human species. We both know the only way to fix this broken world is to take all the pieces for ourselves. Don’t you understand what this means?!”

Lacy stood up and took a step back.

Alistair took a step forward. “It means we truly are kindred spirits! Finally, one of my children understands me!”

“I’m not your child,” Lacy hissed.

“You could be. You may as well be. You are family to my son, to my daughter. Don’t you see the potential you have, that we could have together? I could call you daughter-”

“Enough.”

“Be your father.”

“I had a father.”

“‘Had’ being the operative word. He’s gone now.”

“Because you killed him!”

“He was a monster. He would hurt his own child.”

“You really don’t hear yourself, do you?” Lacy said, shaking her head.

“I know how I sound. I just don’t understand your objection to the death of those who hurt you.”

Lacy planted her feet. “Then why didn’t you thank Elleanor?”

Alistair offered no response, his face a marble cliff.

“I’m done with that,” Lacy said. “I’m not living for anyone else anymore.”

“Then join me. Take what you’re owed by a world that’s hurt you for no reason.”

“No,” Lacy said. “I can’t. If I did, it’d still be for them.”

“I see. Is there nothing I can do to sway you?”

“No,” she said. “Is there anything I can say that will get you to give this all up? Turn yourself in?”

Alistair said, with a genuine sadness to his voice and posture, “No. I’m afraid not. I’ve come too far to stop now.”

“No, you haven’t. You can still-”

“I won’t. Just as you won’t. My convictions define me, child. Just as yours do. And regardless of my impure motives and impure actions, magic must still be saved. I will not allow it to die. The Sovereignty has toiled far too long to allow such a thing to happen.”

“You’re not the Sovereignty.” Step forward.

Step back. “No. But I shall be when this is over.”

“That so?” Forward.

Forward. “Yes. With my own House and my wife’s backing me, the United States of America shall fall. Once that happens, House Achebe will agree to openly support us. The rest of the continent shall go soon thereafter, at which point the Kishimoto’s will be cowed and take their place at our side. The Jimenez’ will take South America, and we shall then begin retaking the old world. And once I have your Star, they will fall into line behind me as their one true leader. The King of Magic.”

“You really think you deserve that?” Lacy stood her ground.

“I don’t think anyone deserves it. But someone must take the role. Someone must break down the walls and then defeat the elven hordes before they take us over. A true leader, a true king, is necessary for that. And if nobody else, including you, will step up, then it falls upon me. Someone must bear that horrible burden.” Alistair stood his.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me!” Lacy said, her face twisting in disgust. Her sympathy soured, and her patience ran dry. “Enough with this fucking martyr complex bullshit- get over yourself! And you think I’ve got an ego-”

“I think we have that in common,” Alistair said, stepping forward. “And given you’ve positioned yourself as the only person who can defeat me, something you believe needs to be done even if it kills you, it’s yet another thing we have in common.”

Lacy shut up.

Alistair continued, “I believe we’ve reached an impasse, young lady. Neither of us shall be swayed from our collision course. Very well. I’m glad we could talk like this- please know that regardless of what else happens, you have my respect. However, that only motivates me further to bring you to my side. We’re going to work on you more. Good-bye for now.”

He snapped his fingers, and he vanished.

For a moment, Lacy stood in the intermittent blue light. The ground shifted, and rumbled, and broke apart, and she spiraled into the blackness of the Void, screaming.