Chapter 30 (And No One Cares)

Hello, all! Don’t forget you can buy the official ebooks for ADSR and MGES here:

https://helena-heissner.itch.io/a-dream-of-summer-rain

https://helena-heissner.itch.io/magical-girl-exorcist-squad

***

“Hi there! Wanna try a brain-burger?”

These were not words Lacy expected to hear immediately upon waking.

She laid on her cot, facing the wall as she woke up, and was drawn to face the other direction by the sound of chewing.

The source was a young woman, or at least something that appeared to be a young woman. She was seemingly about Lacy’s age, maybe a year or two older. She had wavy black hair and tan skin and big brown eyes. She wore a black mini-skirt and fishnet stockings and black combat boots and a black tube top, her dark red lipstick and dark eyeshadow highlighting the relative softness and youth of her features. In her manicured hands was what appeared to be a hamburger, completed with cheese and ketchup. But it didn’t smell like beef.

“Well?” the girl… the ghoul said.

Lacy grunted.

“What does that mean?”

“Not hungry.”

“You look like you’re always hungry,” the ghoul said. “You should eat more, get some meat on your bones. You might look like a real woman instead of a malnourished child in a third world country.”

Lacy gave the ghoul the middle finger.

“That’s an expletive, right?” the ghoul said. “That’s fun! I know lots of those- my favorites are the ones in Spanish; they have the best profanity. For instance-”

“Who the fuck are you?” Lacy said, swinging her legs off her bed and glaring at the ghoul. As if the Albrecht family drama wasn’t enough to deal with, now she had to put up with this freak as well. Everywhere, all around her, freaks, monsters, just like me. Guess I’m in good company. Lovely.

“Um, excuse me?” the ghouls said with wide-eyed shock. “How about you dial it back a bit. You are in the presence of royalty!”

“... Weren’t you just talking about how much you love profan-”

“That still doesn’t excuse you making that demand of me like that,” the ghoul said. “Is that really the way to talk to the princess of ghouls?”

“You’re not the-”

“How do you know?”

“Because Alistair only has one daughter left, and she’s not the-”

“Ugh, not that one,” the ghoul cut her off. “I’m the rightful princess of ghouls, or queen at this point, I suppose. Alistair deposed my father, King Saul. I’m his surviving heiress, Princess Merab, but unfortunately the crown was stolen before I could finish seizing power.”

“Right. And I should just… believe all that?” Lacy said, rubbing her eyes.

“Yes, because it’s the truth. Now, do you want a brain burger or not? It’s the best way to prepare this particular organ, in my opinion, though there are some who argue in favor of brain bolognese instead-”

“What the fuck? No!” Lacy said. “How do you even… Do you seriously mean to tell me you freaks have recipes on how to prepare human meat?”

Merab put her burger on her plate, then set the plate down next to her chair. “Yes. That’s actually exactly what I’m telling you. I mean, did you think we ate everything raw and right off the bone?”

“Yes,” Lacy said, exasperated. “That’s all I’ve ever seen you things do-”

“‘Things.’ Wow. Wow wow wow wow.”

“Well that’s what you are!” Lacy said. “You’re evil! You’re a monster! You eat people!”

“Yes. I suppose I do. But I’d consider myself people as well.”

“You’re not alive.”

“I eat. I sleep. I think. I feel. I can produce fertile offspring. I’m pretty sure I’m alive.”

“Only because of infernal magic!”

“So?”

Lacy blinked. “Um-”

“You’re not comfortable with the idea that I’m a person, I can see that,” Merab said.

“Because you’re not-”

“I’m from a city, with a government that controls it and other cities. You might call that a civilization,” Merab cut her off. “We have a culture: art, music, cuisine.”

“You don’t have souls.”

“How do you know?”

“Because if you did, you’d know that eating people is wrong!” Lacy said, standing up. She wasn’t in the mood for another idiot challenging her like this; she was losing energy for it. “It’s monstrous. You’re a monster.”

“It’s monstrous for you,” Merab said. “I’ll cede you that much. But to me it’s life.”

No, no she’s full of shit. Ghouls don’t count, ghouls don’t count, because if ghouls count, then they… Then I’ve… “You’re full of shit!” Lacy hissed.

“Am I, or am I just putting you in an awkward moral position?”
Not possible. They deserve it. It doesn’t matter what she says, she still deserves to die, just like they all do, just like-

“I mean what do you expect, all the ghouls to just admit they’re wrong and stop eating people? Condemn us all to our monstrous, mindless state?” Merab asked. “What kind of fate is that? What kind of God would ask us to live that way?”

“God didn’t make you this way,” Lacy spat. “Necromancers did. Humans did.”

“Yes, I am aware of that. I was there when my father first arranged it,” Merab said. “But, um, doesn’t that somewhat weaken your argument that we’re not people?”
“No, you don’t count. You’re monsters now, so the rules don’t apply to you.”

“Just like they don’t apply to you anymore?”

Lacy didn’t blink- her eyes wouldn’t shut.

“Are you familiar with the concept of psychological projection, by any chance?” Merab asked. “I’ve read up on it a fair bit- my own father had a real problem with it, let me tell ‘ya. Got into quite the fracas with this young buck named David once… Long story. But-”

“Yeah, I know what projection is,” Lacy said. “Doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”

“About me or about yourself?”

“BOTH!”

Merab took another bite of her burger, spent a few moments chewing and swallowing. She dabbed her mouth with a napkin, careful not to smear her lipstick, and then said, “Girl, you’ve got issues. Like, let’s unpack that for a second- you seriously think you’re as much a monster as I am? As we are? Is that it?”

Lacy said back down, her own words echoing in her ears. Did she really think that about herself? Was this what really drove her? Still doesn’t mean I’m wrong, she thought. I can’t be wrong. Not about this. Because if I’m wrong then what else am I wrong about? And look at all the things I’ve done. If ghouls are people then I’ve killed… Oh God I’ve killed so many…

…

I really am a monster.

“You okay? You sure you don’t want-”

“I DON’T WANT ANY OF YOUR GODDAMN FOOD!” Lacy screamed.

“Okay, okay, fucking hellfire. No need to shout,” Merab said.

Lacy hyperventilated, eyes still refusing to shut. You’ve known it this whole time. You just haven’t wanted to admit it to yourself. You should have let that ghoul kill you all those years ago. At least then you’d still be innocent.

Beneath her, she felt hellfire rising. She laid on her bed and listened to it.

“Anyway,” Merab continued, “Alistair wants to keep an eye on me, so he assigned me to be your guard while you’re here. Personally, I don’t see it as necessary, and it keeps me from my loyalists for the time being-”

Lacy barely heard. Barely saw. The darkness closed in around her. She almost moved to pray, but she stopped herself. She didn’t deserve to. She wasn’t a creature of God. She was a monster. She belonged in the darkness.

May as well get comfortable.